Bieber’s trouser mouse

I’m a little bit late to join this particular party but it’s only today that I came upon this mildly intriguing headline that appeared in yesterday’s Guardian:

‘First there was Justin Bieber’s snake; now there’s ‘Jerry’. Fans have named Justin’s penis’

Do I want to be on a first name base with Justin Bieber’s dick?

Not really, no but the article also raises some harder questions. Well, just the one: why Jerry?

Which, of course, only leads to ever more questions – like: which Jerry did the fans have in mind when looking at the Bieber bulge?


Jerry Lee Lewis?
The old rocker did marry his 13 years old cousin, which might have some appeal to the still very young Justin but may not look so attractive on his CV when he ages a bit.


Jerry Springer?
Well, Bieber the Opera may have a nice ring to it but for the rest? Young Justin is just a bit too Vanilla to get away with inviting the Klan to one of his does.


Jerry Falwell?
Nah. Not with Bieber looking very much like a gay Teletubby already.


Perhaps the only Jerry who would qualify is the smaller member of that famous cartoon double act, Tom & Jerry: a feisty if slightly obnoxious rodent, with a penchant for taunting pussies and then running away…

… and – pace all Biebarazzi – but surely a trouser mouse is a more appropriate totem for the boy than a boa constrictor called Johnson…?

(Get over it: Snakes on a Plane just isn’t JB’s thing…)

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