Five guaranteed ways to get filthy rich in 2010
Last year I wrote a column with the title ‘Seven great investment tips for 2009′.
So, if you’re not a millionaire by now, you’ve only got yourselves to blame.
This year, I will, once more, try to make all my faithful readers obscenely rich, by way of yet another get-rich-the-lazy-way list.
Here goes:
1) Write a best-seller series of books about a chick raised by two lesbian dragons, who subsequently goes to a magic dragon school, where it will find friends, adventures, & evil wizards and will discover various things about magic, wisdom, midnight snacks and snogging.
2) I’ve mentioned this before but it’s still an excellent piece of advice, so: Paint a Pollock.
3) Write a movie script about a reality TV show that’s set on Mars. The show is a boot camp for strippers and pole dancers. Each contestant has her own bubble, in which she performs. Each week the viewers back on Earth vote which bubble will burst and which stripper/pole dancer ends up dying from this ultimate form of exposure. Then an army of alien sex & brain-starved zombies lands and paints the planet even redder. (The last shot has the zombie leader chewing on a still quite shapely thigh, then grinning into the camera and saying “A small snack of a stripper, a huge meal of mankind”.)
4) Write an i-Phone app that shows buskers, chuggers and other pests by way of Google Street View.
5) Write a TV RomCom about a slick Junior Minister who falls in love with a female Church of England do-gooder vicar. Describe their weekly domestic arguments about bankers, gay priests, ministerial expenses, Muslims, more ministerial expenses, minorities, ministerial expenses, the poor, ministerial expenses, paedophile priests, moats, sharia law, floating duck islands, God, Tony Blair, the Devil, porn movie expense claims, etcetera etcetera.
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