I am no Scrooge: Contains zombies (and Muppets)
One of the things I truly hate about the ever lengthening Christmas season is the way that people like me, who don’t enjoy this time of year at all, get Scrooged by those who do stay with the programme.
Now, I will readily admit that I am not a very social person but I am not a Scrooge. Scrooge had this strange lactose intolerance. That is, he had problems swallowing and then keeping down the milk of human kindness.
Me, the older I get, the more pessimistic I become about human affairs. I don’t think people are very good at getting and keeping their shit together collectively. On the other hand, I do like my fellow humans on a personal level and I’m slightly embarrassed to have to confess that I am also becoming more sentimental on a small scale level. Give it a few more years and I will probably be one of those persons who cry on cue while watching movies.
Coming back to Christmas, I object to this (ludicrously outstretched) season because I really cannot stand the zombie like masses who go shopping and shopping, the relentlessly Disneyfied carols, the gory splatter fest of please-clap-for-Tinkerbell-cause-it’s-Christmas lights – or, to sum things up, the whole, relentness exercise of greed and need.
(Not that Christmas shoppers are really like zombies, of course. Zombies are aware of the fact that they need to shop for – or at least chop up and eat – new brains.)
So, yes, I hate Christmas. That does not make me feel proud. If anything, it makes me feel like a boring cliché. Which is not a very nice place to find yourself but it does not make me a Scrooge. Scrooge, I’m sure, would have very much appreciated our modern, commercialized Christmas. He’d have enjoyed any kind of human mass activity that would have made him shit loads of money.
In other words, you could even say that I am anti-Christmas, because I’m anti-Scrooge.
(Though THIS ONE is probably more appropriate…)
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