ABBA: Worse than the Winter Vomiting Bug
(Tear down the wall…?)
“Turn down that damn music: You’re killing me here!!!”
Lines that must be familiar to anyone who ever listened to music in his or her room, with parents screaming, praying and begging for quiet, on the outside.
A nice image, really. With kids playing the role of Joshua blowing his trumpet and the parents as the ancient city of Jericho.
In the eternal fight between the generations, walls are raised again and again – and, as often as not, they come tumbling down again like Wile E Coyote in an Isaac Newton panto.
Now though, scientists have discovered that music can be much more than a weapon of crass destruction in the generation war:
“Music may be used to treat heart attack and stroke victims after Italian scientists found it can affect blood pressure. Researchers found that music with faster tempos increased blood pressure and heart rate, whereas slower music reduced them. The same affect was also achieved by slowly changing the volume of the music. By combining slow and fast music it was possible to control the cardiovascular system and eventually help its rehabilitation.”
Which is all quite nice, of course but for one small detail.
Everyone who’s ever been put on hold and had some Mantovani vomited into his or her ear knows all about the link between apoplexy and certain types of noises.
So, though I wish these researchers and future operation theatre Djs all the best with this musical surgery, I can’t help but feel a bit miffed that I will be forced to carry yet another set of instructions with me.
Apart from that little card that says I am an organ donor who doesn’t want to be operated on when the brain no longer functions, I will now have to add a little list of bands that will probably carry me over the edge if played during surgery.
It would be quite a long list too.
Proudly headed, of course, by ABBA and finishing with ZOEgirl…
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