Glob-a-log

In Spain, they do things with a certain amount of flair that us Northern Europeans can only look at in awe, and envy.

In Holland, for instance, our cattle are kept in boring meadows, before they are whisked away surreptitiously, probably in the dead of night, to be redeployed as various bits of hygienically packaged, supermarket meat.

While in Spain, they let the bulls run wild in the streets, before they kill them, in operatic style, in huge stadiums, where thousands upon thousands of happy carnivores applaud the skill of their local butcher.

You know, even Spain’s scientists have more style than their Northern brothers and sisters. They may stare at the same kind of test tubes but they do so in the knowledge that they work for institutes with names like ‘The Superior Council of Scientific Investigations’.

Some of the stuff this Council does is pretty wild too, I have to say:

“Air in parts of Madrid and Barcelona is laced with at least five drugs, most prominently cocaine, a study has found. The Superior Council of Scientific Investigations, a Spanish government institute, said it had also found trace amounts of amphetamines, opiates, cannabinoids and lysergic acid, a relative of LSD, in two air-quality control stations, one in each city.”

Damn but that makes me jealous. For decades now, we in Holland have tried to corner the market on legalising drugs and we still are a nation of shop keepers and accountants: As boring as fuck, to be honest, be it stoned or stone sober.

What’s more, if you would get a few of our, not so superior scientists to investigate the Dutch air, I’m sure their findings would consist of a deadening mix of folding tulips, false modesty, farting sprouts, fake tolerance and the furtive fragrance of fading cheese…

… and here these damn Southerners only need to go out for a Spanish stroll to get high.

It is most unfair, really.

Mind you, this might explain what animal rights group call the cruel spectacle of bull fights. Maybe the Spanish people aren’t enjoying the ritual slaughter of innocent bulls.

With the air they’re breathing, it could well be that what they see is a colossal caterpillar, holding a very long and pointy spliff and waving this joint in the general direction of a gigantic, pink-coloured, tap-dancing bowl of snorting baby lettuce.

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This entry was posted on Friday, May 15th, 2009 at 14:09 and is filed under Columns, Crime, Satire, Science. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.