The perfect Christmas dinner (Served by Scrooge)
(Such perfect timing: The biggest Christmas turkey ever…)
While this year’s biggest turkey, the dreadful ‘Australia’ movie, might feed a multitude of the most ravenous dinner guests, I still haven’t decided what would really make for a perfect Christmas dinner.
Sure, as one of nature’s natural Scrooges, I wish I could stuff Christmas trees down the throat of most carol singers – and I would like to pelt each pontificating church leader and/or politician with deadly volleys of boiling sprouts and drown all seasonal TV presenters in hot gravy.
All of that for starters, of course – but what to have for Christmas dinner myself?
(It doesn’t have to be a turkey, of course…)
Anyway, so, let’s try for a more or less traditional, five course menu.
Something like the following:
* We might start with a simple consommé of broken promises. A kind of alphabet soup, made from old George Bush speeches
* Then, we could have a soufflé of puffed up religion, filled with bigotry and hate messages from the religion of your choice
* After that, it would be time for a delightful amuse bouche of heart break, with a stuffing of lost loves, lost credit and/or lost jobs
* Now, for the big one, the pièce de résistance, the main course, made from all the ingredients that gave us the latest economic world crisis: Stupidity, greed, shortsightedness, corruption and incompetence. In short, all that defines and shapes us as human beings – with a gravy of hypocrisy, vanity and self-serving lies
* To finish things off, there will be a sorbet of hope, wild optimism and the illusion that, somehow, human nature will change so profoundly over the coming days that next year will be different from all the others in the blighted history of homo sapiens
Ah well, happy Christmas, everyone…!
(And a big hand, please, for our kind host…!)
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