Glob-a-log

(Take me home now, Sarah - or anyone, please…)

You know when you have overdosed on presidential campaign information? Easy. That’s when each and every story that you read in the papers reminds you of one of the presidential candidates. Like this one:

Authorities say a Fort Myers man shot himself in the arm after his girlfriend refused to have sex with him. The Lee County Sheriff’s Office reported that a 29-year-old man and his girlfriend returned home from a bar early Wednesday morning. The girlfriend told deputies that her boyfriend wanted to get intimate, but she just wanted to go to sleep. When she refused, he became irate.

Doesn’t that guy remind you of a certain Vietnam war hero who’s running for public office, right now?

Consider the following:

Sarah Palin’s folsky, punchy performance in the vice-presidential debate helped revive her own political reputation today but is unlikely to halt an alarming slide this week in John McCain’s White House campaign. McCain’s decision yesterday to abandon campaigning in Michigan exposed a narrowing in ambition, signalling he is no longer trying to compete for states the Democrats narrowly took in 2004 but hoping simply to consolidate those Bush won that year.

So, Sarah – and let’s call her the ‘girlfriend’ for now – performed better than expected. In that sense, she’s not at all like the other girlfriend mentioned in that first story.

On the other hand, maybe she is. McCain picked her to help him get to the White House – after some polls suggested that he really needed someone who could lift him up. He needed a dose of political Viagra, if you like.

At first, it seemed to work. At the Convention (at the bar where he took her for their first date, as it were) she wowed all the old regulars, and she turned a lot of other heads, as well – and old McCain…? Well, never mind that, next to her, he looked really, really old: He simply basked in her glory and felt like he could go on all night, and many nights more to come.

Then came the gaffs, and some serious turn-offs. The regulars and the other folks started to look at McCain, as if to say, ‘Where did you find that goat?’

In other words, it seemed like the Viagra express had come to a shuddering halt even before leaving the station. Till the Palin-Biden debate, of which people had such low expectations that they had started calling it the ‘Pale Bidet’ debate. Anyway, as the above article showed, Palin did pretty well in it – restoring some hope in the McCain camp and some vim and vigour in the candidate. Viagraman rides again, if you like.

(Cartoon by David parkins)

So, a successful (blind) date, after all…? Followed by a night of great sex? Well, no. Consider the following:

Ms. Palin made it clear she had not been consulted about the McCain campaign’s decision to pull its ads and campaign operation out of Michigan, a tacit admission that it could not win there. She had found out the morning of the debate, she said, and fired off an e-mail to campaign brass to let them know she was disappointed.

Poor McCain.

First, it seems his date is so hot. Then, she opens her mouth and all optimism & lust disappears. Then, after a few drinks and a few gaff-free minutes, the flaccid McCain member raises his old head again. Maybe he will get lucky after all; maybe she will get a rise out of him in the bedroom – or the voting booth?

So, he pays the bill. He orders a taxi – but then, as we saw in the last article – she starts nagging him, and continues to do so, all the way home. He shouldn’t have done this, or he should have said that. She calls him a wimp, an old loser, a coward who throws in the towel when things get tough.

‘Hell,’ a very despondent McCain thinks. ‘If this woman here, right now, is a dose of Viagra, I don’t want to be around when she has the clap.’

Anyway, when they arrive at his place, he pays the cab driver, and then he says, with a trembling and querulant, old man’s voice, “Honey…?” – but, as we know from that very first article, the fair Sarah has already locked herself inside the spare bedroom.

So, McCain thinks, ‘Shit, I might as well get it over with and shoot myself now and save me a lot of embarrassment come November’ – and, as we’ve also learned from that first piece, he manages to make a bloody mess of that simplest of jobs as well…

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This entry was posted on Saturday, October 4th, 2008 at 23:10 and is filed under Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.