The Republicans need to pull all of Palin’s teeth and get her a pair of Croatian dentures
Surely, we live in strange times, full of miracles and portents. As the poet has it:
“Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.
Surely some revelation is at hand;
Surely the Second Coming is at hand.”
From credit crunches to Moby Dick musicals, life has not just become stranger than regular fiction but scarier than Stephen King’s Carrie, more depressing than Dostoevsky’s The Idiot and more confusing (and some would say insufferable) than James Joyce’s Ulysses.
Of course, Republicans are not known for their bookishness. Most of them might even think that reading books was somewhat effete – or even worse: elitist. Maybe that’s why things must even be more confusing for staunch Republicans than for anyone else.
I mean, only four years ago, most of the party faithful couldn’t wait to carve Bush’s face on Mount Rushmore – and now there are those in the party who claim that the president’s much touted bail-out plan is nothing less than a communist take-over.
How things have changed – and keep changing for the worse; for now, after just a handful of orgasmic honeymoon weeks, even the appeal of Palin starts to pale…
She, the belatedly Chosen One: more populist than Reagan, less intellectually curious than Bush himself, a woman more likely to shoot and skin a book than skim its contents…
… even she, it seems, can’t restore confidence in the Republican heart – as some in the party now start to mutter that selecting her was a serious mistake and that she’s as fit for purpose as a boiled pig’s head at a Jewish New Year party.
Some in the party doubt that she can even survive beyond her first debate with Joe Biden.
However, there is hope, for I, like Baldrick, have a cunning plan – inspired by the following bit of news:
A Croatian man survived a murder bid after the bullet ricocheted off his wife’s cheek and was caught in his false teeth. The couple got caught up in a row between two men over a debt, one of whom pulled a gun and shot at them at point blank range. But instead of killing him, the shot got caught in his dentures and fell harmlessly to the ground.
See? It’s easy. Now all that the Republicans need to do, before the coming debate, is pull out all of Palin’s teeth and replace them with some good old Croatian dentures…
… and pray that they are as good at keeping bullshit in as keeping bullets out.
(“Sarah get your gun”: The silent movie was better)
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