Bristol’s finest take down toy cayman after 30-minutes stand-off
Now this is what I call an nicely old-fashioned, lazy Sunday afternoon news story. As traditional, in its way, as the old Sunday roast, with all the trimmings:
When an alligator was reported loose on the streets of Bristol, police and the RSPCA snapped into action. Roads were sealed off as they staked out the creature, which appeared to be lying in garden bushes with the remains of a bird in its jaws. After a tense 30-minute stand-off, emergency workers used a camera to zoom in on the reptile – and discovered that it was a stuffed toy. RSPCA chief inspector Richard Masling said:
“We thought it would be a captive caiman which had escaped or been abandoned, then killed and eaten a wild bird and was laying on the grass digesting it. Caiman are part of the alligator family and have very sharp teeth, so it was very important that the police and RSPCA took all the necessary safety precautions to protect ourselves and the public.
Well, RSPCA chief inspector Richard Masling is really doing his best to put some nice brave-faced spin on it but he and the rest of the authorities still come out looking like the sweetest collection of prats this side of Gordon Brown’s government.
Just look at the post-action photograph, for God’s sake…
Should it really take a 30-minute stand-off to realize that this famously sharp-toothed animal wasn’t big enough to swallow a bloody Barbie doll?
Never mind having to wait half an hour before one of the RSPCA crowd stopped trembling long enough to point the camera (on his mobile, no doubt) at the miniature monster in order to ascertain what it was made of.
I mean, who cares if the animal’s skin was fluffy toy material instead of the more natural future handbag variety? The poor beastie was still small enough to go splat the moment one of the those RSPCA clowns’ flat feet had decided to come down on it with the full force and vengeance of Her Majesty’s animal police.
Ah well, it’s nice to know that both Bristol’s police force and its RSPCA are always willing to take ‘all the necessary safety precautions to protect themselves and the public’ and that they are willing to take their bloody time too.
They may look extremely silly afterwards but if this had been London the caiman would undoubtedly have ended up with five bullets in the back of its head, like a certain Brazilian electrician did, some time ago.
So, maybe they are not such big prats after all, down there in Bristol.
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