Murder suspect awaiting trial cuts off his dick with a razor. Close but no cigar: Normally, it’s the murderer’s other head that gets chopped off
In the beginning was the word and the word was…
Well, I don’t have a bloody clue what that word actually was. I think it was Douglas Adams who suggested that it might have been ‘Oops…!’
Anyway, reading the following story, the first word that sprang to my mind was ‘Ouch!‘:
A man charged with murdering an Arizona couple at sea and dumping their bodies overboard tried to cut his penis off with a razor while awaiting trial, a sheriff’s spokesman said Friday. Skylar Deleon, 29, was briefly hospitalized after the March 13 incident, but was back in his cell the next day after the penis was reattached.
Now, that’s where emergency surgery and the drive-through service industry meet: Have a penis reattached in mere minutes and the patient back in his cell before the anaesthetics wear off.
Mind you, for those who thought only the English were good at understatement, the San Francisco Chronicle’s journalists can do it too. Calling the cutting off of your own penis with a razor an ‘incident’ is taking the art of understating stuff into whole new realms – one where a graveyard full of ravenous Romero zombies becomes a minor breach of the peace.
By the way, I can’t be the only one to wonder how a murder suspect who’s awaiting his trial got his hands on a razor, can I? Luckily, there was no real harm done – not to anyone who matters, that is but it’s a bit careless to let people like that get their hands on things like that while they are in custody.
Anyway, as I said, no serious harm done, so let’s forget about that small matter. Still, I’m not so sure it was really wise to take mister Deleon straight back to his cell. He had, after all, already proved to be both seriously unhinged and not nearly attached enough to his poor penis. So, I’m not sure what would stop him from starting the whole bloody mess all over again.
Not that I particularly care what mister Deleon wants to do to bits of his own body but it would look rather silly if he would have to be rushed to hospital again – and again – and again… So, I think it might have been more sensible to just keep him in the hospital and under close observation, until he had to appear in court.
In court, it might be wise to keep the accused cuffed, by the way; with his hands on his back, of course. Otherwise, he might still be able to pull out the stitches – and it would look rather silly if he then would start to wave the bloody thing around, in front of the judge.
Just a bit of advice, that – and I’m not saying the authorities wouldn’t have thought of this themselves. Still, they did allow the guy to get his hands on that razor in the first place – and furthermore, as the saying goes, ‘Forewarned is forearmed.’
Or, if you must, ‘A stitch in time saves nine.’
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