Glob-a-log

Ah well, this is a strange one.

You have heard of James Bond, of course, and his eternal secretary, Miss Moneypenny. So now, say goodbye to Bond – and the Money – and let’s welcome the newest spy on the block, or on the road to blockbuster status. Meet Mr Penney, the Welsh answer to some, as of yet, unpronounceable question:

A Welsh stripper who set a car ablaze in Moscow is reportedly being investigated for suspected links to British intelligence. Alistair Penney, a 38-year-old dancer from Cardiff, was detained on Wednesday as he ran from a burning Mercedes Benz in a suburb that has seen a spate of arson attacks on parked vehicles. Mr Penney allegedly told police: “I was in a bad mood. The sky was grey and it started to rain. Suddenly I saw a Mercedes. It was so old so to cheer myself up I decided to set the tyre on fire.”

Russian newspapers quoted police sources as saying that they were suspicious of the way Mr Penney had contradicted himself and suggested that there were other indications that pointed to the fact that he could be a spy. Among the possessions found on him was a map, they said.

Ah yes, the foreigner was in possession of a map! That clinches it, of course…

One thing though, rumours of Russia’s new-found wealth must not be exaggerated after all. It used to be that the poor people in Wales had no other option than to work in the mines, coughing up their lungs while singing in their justly famous choirs whenever they were allowed to pop up for a moment. In between then, Maggy Thatcher and her ridiculous socialist sidekick Arthur Scargill managed to shut down the mines – and so, for a few decades, an ever more impatient world was forced to listen to the singing of unemployed Welshmen who stubbornly refused to cough up their lungs and die on stage anymore.

Now, thanks to kind mister Putin’s efforts, the Welsh have found a new place to go to and seek their fortunes: as strippers in Moscow’s many, many clubs for the criminally wealthy and the terminally bored.

Oh yes, I almost forgot but I would like to ask Russia’s secret service to be merciful to our stripper arsonist. After all, it was an old car – and German to boot, which would, in the old days, have made Mister Penney almost automatically a Hero of the Soviet Republic.

Furthermore, it could have been so much worse. He could have been singing instead!

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This entry was posted on Saturday, July 5th, 2008 at 19:46 and is filed under Columns, Crime, Satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.