Glob-a-log

I’m sure all of you have heard the term ‘Macjob’. My trusted OED describes it as: “An unstimulating, low-paid job with few prospects, esp. one created by the expansion of the service sector.”

The dictionary might have to change their definition a bit, though, now that newspapers have named the latest owner of a McDonalds restaurant:

The Queen owns a drive-through McDonald’s burger restaurant, the Royal accounts have revealed. Among Her Majesty’s most recent acquisitions was a retail park in Slough – which encompasses a drive-through McDonalds. Bath Road Retail Park was purchased this month by the Crown Estate, which administers the monarch’s property portfolio, for £92 million.

I’m not quite sure what her Majesty would want with a McDonald’s restaurant. Maybe her corgis enjoy the odd beef patty with French, Freedom or plain Royal fries. Or else she could make burgers out of those corgis that were surplus to requirement. ‘McCorgi’ does have a nice ring to it.

Anyway, the fact that her Bethness now owns a McSweatshop means that the Macjob might gain quite some status too. Flipping burgers might still be flipping boring but it must make a difference if you do it by Royal Decree.

It could also come with some serious perks & bonuses. The perfect patty-slinging person might be rewarded with tickets to Ascot or Wimbledon. Staff uniforms might sport the Royal Crown alongside those boring, golden arches. Those working at the salad bar may be allowed to wear fake Prince Charles ears.

There might even be some kind of special stimulus package – where loyal McDogsbodies may, after ten years of sycophantic service, be promoted to the royal household, where they can get the job of sweeping up the vomit of those princes who visit nightclubs (or hand them discreet Royal condoms when they get lucky) or clean out the stables when one of the princesses is done torturing the horses. Or hold up prince Philip’s spittoon (or false teeth) and be the first one to endure his jokes.

All these jobs, of course, will be as demeaning and low-paid as slinging burgers ever was but with this one defining difference: That these new jobs will truly be a Royal pain in the arse.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, June 28th, 2008 at 21:34 and is filed under Columns, Satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.