The First Horseman of the Apocalypse is an Englishman called Gordon Richie (who rode a pony once)
Ah yes, the silly season does seem to start earlier and earlier each year:
I’m sitting in a Chelsea café having coffee with the first horseman of the apocalypse. He’s very pleasant for a harbinger of doom and is not, as the Bible predicts, holding a bow and arrow but a Granny Smith’s apple. The horseman, or as he is known to friends, Gordon Ritchie, 50, latter day prophet and head of the Jehovah’s Witness splinter group The Lords’ Witnesses, is quite sure that the Bible refers to him in Revelation 6 when it predicts that the end of the world will be ushered in by four horsemen representing Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death. Naturally, such a claim is bound to call forth the Paxman in any journalist and I decide to put it to the test. “Do you ride?” I ask.
“Well, I’ve been pony trekking,” he replies.
Right, as far as these Apocalypse Now types go, this one seems decent - and much more importantly: harmless enough. You can’t really see our Gordon Ritchie suddenly transforming into a Jim Jones type of nut, spiking the Cool-Aid and so an on.
It is strange though that so many people and sects throughout the whole of human history, have heard and then headed this calling of the last trumpet. Of course, humanity has never been known for its humility - or for knowing its place in the greater order of things - so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that quite a few of us have claimed to be on such intimate terms with the great Calculator in Heaven.
I think it was R.A. Lafferty who wrote this great short story about destiny - and humanity’s role in it. One day seven people are called to appear at some meeting; the seven best and brightest of the human race, of course. While they travel to this meeting, they meet all kinds of animals who are also travelling in the same direction. To cut a marvellously funny story short: At the meeting the humans are told that this time round it had been their chance to get things right: to fulfil Creation’s destiny - and they have failed. Like the dinosaur, the elephant, the lions, the dogs, the monkeys etcetera had done before them; and since they failed they would now share the fate of all their predecessors. They will be struck dumb and lose whatever special brain power they were given at the start of their test trial ride - and yet another animal will get elected and be given the chance to get things right this time. So, after much protests by the seven humans and loud and mournful howling of all the others who preceded homo sapiens, the whole of humanity now joins those other animals in dumb animal grief.
On the whole, I think that this is a slightly more likely story than that our pony trekking friend Gordon Ritchie would be, in fact, the First Horseman of the Apocalypse - and one that could, and maybe should teach all of us some humility.
Not that it ever will, of course: humanity is much too fond of the idea that it is the centre of the whole universe. This whole Apocalypse business is just one small manifestation of our usual but not much lesser arrogance. We, who were shaped by some God’s (or Darwin’s) hand from a bit of primeval mud, love to build these thrones and see ourselves as the true Lords of all creation. All hubris, of course but then, most folks would rather see themselves as Horsemen of the Apocalypse than as a bit player in one of Lafferty’s short stories.
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February 18th, 2010 at 22:34
I think Gordon may be a true prophet..I think he may be on to something!