Let’s swap Bush for Comet, the goldfish
Some years back, Neil Gaiman wrote a wonderful children’s book, called ‘The day I swapped my dad for two goldfish.’ Truly a joy to read - like all of his books, of course. Beautiful illustrations by his regular co-worker Dave McKean, by the way. If you haven’t read it, go and buy it immediately but first this:
You know, I’ve often wondered how depressing it must be to be George Bush. I mean, even he must be aware of the fact that he is hated and despised by millions and millions of people - and who can he really hang out with, or talk to, apart from his direct family? Cheney? Well, I’m reasonably sure even Bush is smart enough not to spend too much time alone with Cheney - not with Cheney’s hobbies, eye-sight and hand-eye-gun coordination.
He can always walk his dog, of course, but dogs aren’t the greatest conversationalists - and neither is Jesus, with Whom Bush says he’s quite close. No. being George Bush must be a lonely business. The guy really could use a friend. Maybe somebody like Comet:
Comet the goldfish may be the world’s most intelligent fish after its owner, Dean Pomerleau, trained it to perform a range of aquatic activities. Comet can play football, basketball and even limbo dance under a bar. The genius of the water world can also play fetch with a hoop, slalom around a series of poles and push a rugby ball over a set of posts.
For the rest of us who have to suffer even more from having to deal with Bush than Bush has with being Bush there might even be a more attractive option, which is to put the 43th president of the USA out of his and our misery and, like Gaiman put it in his marvellous book, swap him for Comet.
It would do wonders for the image of America, at home and abroad, and we wouldn’t have to wonder which country would get bombed, invaded and destroyed next. As added bonus, the new and very much improved president would be unlikely to choke on a pretzel.
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