Glob-a-log

The Welsh have always been jealous of the Scots - and are continuously trying to steal any Scottish thunder, however pathetically small the original noise may have been.

This latest news story to make it to the bored back pages of the national papers is no different from the normal ‘Hey, look at me!’ ploys from that rather boring bit of British countryside. It may just be a little bit more pathetic than most other attempts, if not by all that much.

First though, you all know what Welsh rabbit is - or rarebit? This from Wikipedia:

The first recorded use of the term Welsh rabbit was in 1725, but the origin of the term is unknown.[ It may be an ironic name coined in the days when the Welsh were notoriously poor: only better-off people could afford butcher’s meat, and while in England rabbit was the poor man’s meat, in Wales the poor man’s meat was cheese. It may be a slur against the Welsh, since the dish contains no meat and so was considered inferior. Then again, because the word Welsh was at the time used by the English to describe anything inferior or foreign, it may allude to the dish’s Continental European origin.

Anyway, Welsh rabbit is one thing - but it’s quite another for Welsh nationalists to try to outdo their Scottish betters and trump the Loch Ness monster with their own, rather pathetic tale of the Welsh crocodile:

Experts are trying to track down a 3ft crocodile spotted near a supermarket in Wales. The hunt was launched after Steve Jenkins saw the creature in an ornamental lake in Swansea.

The 38-year-old was walking his dog along the banks of the 20-foot deep pond opposite a Morrison’s store when he spotted the reptile swimming in the shallows.

Salmon Rushdie has gone done it again in an interview for Elle magazine. It seems that whenever the man writes or says something meant for public consumption, he manages to offend millions of people, driving them to murderous rage in the process.

Remember that homicidal bride of the Kill Bill movies?

Indeed.

It’s one thing to offend some senile Ayatollah and a few battalions of bloody-minded butchers but quite another to try and stand between a woman and that acclaimed ‘best day in her life’:

The author of The Satanic Verses has been married four times, most recently to Padma Lakshmi, from whom he split up last year.

“It’s strange, given that I’ve been married four times, but I actually don’t think marriage is necessary,” Sir Salman told the writer Kathy Lette in an interview for Elle magazine. “Girls like it, especially if they’ve never been married before – it’s the dress. Girls want a wedding, they don’t want a marriage. If only you could have weddings without marriages.”

Sir Salman also disclosed that he and Miss Lakshmi had marriage counselling, but without success.

Gods, some people…:

LOS ANGELES, April 29 (UPI) — Environmentalists are attempting to have a sign reading “Titmouse Park” removed from Los Angeles’ Ballona Wetlands area, saying the sign insults women. Ballona Institute organizers said they are working to petition city leaders to have the sign removed and the park renamed after a native animal, plant or landmark, the Los Angeles Times reported Tuesday.

Environmentalist Roy van de Hoek said the park was not named after titmouse birds, which are not native to the area. Rather, the name was chosen as an insult to a group of women who blocked local businessmen from turning the area into a parking lot 20 years ago. Van de Hoek said he had a conversation about 18 months ago with a businessman who claimed to have participated in the naming.

“He said the name came about because he and his buddies were playing a joke on the women,” he said. “It was a reference to a woman’s body part. He was chuckling and laughing.”

Now, I have to say that most of the time my sympathy would firmly lie with anyone who protested the building of yet another parking lot, shopping mall etcetera - and I’m happy to read that there are still wetlands there and not some macadam monstrosity.

Those now petitioning for a name change are a different sort of animal altogether. Humourless stick insects more than titmice.

Anyway, not everybody agrees that this name was given to the place because of these women:

Retired sign painter Bud Harris said he painted the park sign, naming the area after a group of mice he encountered that he mistakenly thought were titmice.

I’m not sure we can believe our real or faux naive Buddy here. Firstly, I’m not quite sure how one would ‘encounter’ a group of mice. One can see the occasional individual mouse, scurrying from here to there but normally one doesn’t sit down and have tea or bridge with whole groups of them.

Furthermore, I find it very hard to believe that someone who thinks titmice are actual mice and not birds would then even know that there existed any animal called a titmouse - or would actually care enough when he saw a a few mice to name them anything else apart from ‘damn mice’.

Ah well, let’s just hope the name ‘Titmouse Park’ survives - both as a reminder to businessmen that you can’t get away with turning the whole bloody world in a parking lot - and to protesters everywhere, to remind them that it is a good thing to retain a sense of proportions, and yes, a sense of humour.

And let us furthermore pray that the people who run the Los Angeles zoo won’t turn to Buddy when their signs will need a new lick of paint.

I do think that the most positive you can say about 99.9% of all politicians is that they are, collectively and individually, a necessary evil. It’s not often though that those within the system admit that within their own party they don’t have anything better on offer for a leader of the party than a sexist chair sniffer with a history of bra pulling.

One has to admire the honesty of Western Australia’s Liberal Party, even if you wouldn’t want to be a member, a chairman - or a chair - in it:

One of Australia’s most senior conservative politicians broke down today as he tearfully admitted sniffing the chair of a female colleague shortly after she vacated it. Troy Buswell, the leader of the opposition Liberal Party in Western Australia, was under intense pressure to resign over the incident, which happened in 2005.

He dismissed allegations on 13 different occasions that he had sniffed the seat, before finally admitting yesterday that it had in fact taken place. The emergence of the chair-sniffing incident had placed a strain on his marriage, he conceded.

Mr Buswell’s deputy, Kim Hames, stood by him, describing him as a rough diamond with a robust sense of humour. “To me, Troy’s a rough diamond and you don’t fix a rough diamond by smashing it to pieces,” said Dr Hames. “You take those rough edges off and you’ve got something that is of quality, and I think Troy is a quality person, and when you get to know him and know what he’s like, these incidents aren’t what he’s like.”

Other members of the Liberal party said privately they were disgusted by the whole episode, but would not challenge Mr Buswell as leader of the Liberals because there was no better candidate.

It’s a very common defence, whenever someone is caught at something bad: that ‘these incidents aren’t what he’s like.’

It is also very wrong: those incidents are exactly what someone is like. Most of us are wearing public masks. That’s part of human nature and in a way it is a necessary part of civilisation: to hide and/or tame private instincts which would otherwise negatively influence public life.

Also, one should not be judged for any of these private thoughts and desires, as long as they don’t spill over into public life. I.e. as long as one can keep that mask in place one should be judged by this public behaviour and not by whatever might be hidden beneath - if it stays there.

However, whenever those masks slip, things of a true and possibly very troubling nature may be revealed. So, these ‘incidents’ are not somehow aberrations which are not a part of the person, they are, in fact, very revealing of the true nature of that person. These incidents are what you get when the public mask can no longer hide the person inside.

In this sense these slips are very serious - even if the (chair sniffing) incident itself may seem more ludicrous and pathetic than anything else. A lot of slippage can also mean that the public mask may be disintegrating - and that could be highly dangerous. The human animal without a mask, one that can’t control these private urges, can become a serious danger to his or her environment, his or her fellow humans and him or herself.

The world is full of stupid fucks, with the moral intelligence of dingo dung - and the people serving on the Virginia Tech creative writing faculty are proud examples of this kind:

The creative writing faculty of America’s Virginia Tech university has new guidelines for teachers to use when assessing students’ work. “Is the work expressly violent?” they are asked. “Do characters respond to everyday events with a level of violence one does not expect, or may find even frightening? Is violence at the centre of everything the student has written?” Similarly, in colleges all across the US, teachers are now asked to inspect creative writing for violent tendencies and to guide authors of such work towards counselling and even medication.

How mindbuggery stupid can anyone be? Where to start, denouncing this latest nonsense? Well, first let me congratulate these imbeciles: I had not thought anyone from the PC mind control loving tribe could come up with anything that would surprise me. I was wrong.

These folks are truly beyond belief, beyond the pale, beyond saving. I would wish all of them dead if someone could prove to me beyond any doubt that there was no afterlife which they could fuck up before I make my way there.

Anyway, what’s with these people? “Inspect creative writing”? “Guide authors towards counselling”?

And if that fails to turn them into politcally correct drones, what then? Gulags maybe? Concentration camps? Or just an old-fashioned Chinese type bullet, for which the family of the convicted is duly charged?

Are they insane? Are they evil? The world’s literature is filled with tales of violence. Each and every fairytale that’s not completely butchered by Disney is riddled with it. The first cave paintings depicted the violence of the hunt, the celebration of the kill. One might deplore this - if one was as stupid as Virginia Tech shit - but this is simply a part of human nature.

Telling stories is part of human nature - and a good part of human nature is quite violent. Hence, violent stories - or violence in stories.

What’s more, trying to linking potential future violent acts to the kind of stories that pupils write is absolutely moronic. It’s the same kind of thinking that links children playing ‘cowboys & Indians’ to them growing up to become mass murderers. It is, in other words, the type of delusional thinking that brought us the Salem witch trials.

Of course, it is no good arguing with the likes of the Virginia Tech crowd. The PC witch hunters and vigilantes will not rest before they have changed the whole world into a Stepford theme park, where everything is sanitised and safe - and nothing of human interest can or will ever happen again.

They are the love child of George Orwell and Barbie, dressed up in cute little Hitler uniforms - and they are legion.

Rape is no laughing matter, of course but there are always exceptions to any rule. Anyway, I can’t see how anyone could ever define the following as rape - unless you are a sick, primitive and delusional Islamic Tunisian court, of course:

A Tunisian court is looking into an unprecedented rape case filed by a Tunisian family against a man who allegedly “raped” their daughter over the phone during an erotic call. The defendant, 30, denied having ever touched the 20-year-old victim, but admitted that in one of their phone calls, while they were “totally into it,” he heard her scream and say that a few drops of blood had come out of her.

The victim’s lawyer, Maha al-Metebaa, told Kuwaiti newspaper Al-Qabs that the forensic report showed that the girl had lost her virginity recently, but was not subjected to any sexual assault. According to Metebaa, this supports the fact that the phone call was the reason. But Metebaa said this was an unprecedented case that required the court’s thorough investigation and jurisprudence to reach a decision.

“The intercourse did take place with all its details but verbally only. The sexual act did not really happen because the physical proximity factor is not there, yet it happened because there is a direct physical impact – the loss of virginity.”

Idiots.

Such a pity that phones weren’t around when the ‘Virgin’ Mary got knocked up. Not that pregnancy by phone sounds that much saner than being penetrated by the Holy Ghost but it has, excuséz le mot, a slightly less archaic ring to it.

Anyway, back to that rape theme. The woman in question was of age - not that that matters much in many Muslim countries, which follow the paedophile example of the Prophet Mohamed (blessed be his name, of course) and marry off pubescent kids to men who are then allowed to do whatever they want to these children.

So, this woman is not forced into marriage, is not told she will be beaten if she doesn’t pick up the phone. She admits to having had these conversations before and she was. allegedly, ‘totally into it’. Where’s the crime? We have grown-up assent, without any physical contact even. We certainly do not have rape.

Still, we are talking about an Islamic court, so I’m sure they will think up something. Anything to keep women in their place. Which is to ‘honourably’ serve the men - meaning: to be raped and used in all other matters by the devout followers of the Prophet as they see fit.

In other words, if the woman is lucky they will probably force her to marry the ‘rapist’. Otherwise, the court may well decide that she must be buried halfway up in the sand, and to be ’stoned’ to death with mobile phones.

Here’s another pleasant story for you:

British tourists are paying more than £100 to watch endangered Asian lions kill tethered cattle at an Indian wildlife reserve. Animal welfare groups have expressed outrage, saying such gruesome displays break the law and are not only cruel to cattle but also put the lions in jeopardy by bringing them closer to humans. They blame western tourists for encouraging the practice.

According to conservationists, the shows are being organised by tour guides and farmers in collusion with junior park officials. To ensure that tourists do not go home disappointed, tour guides are offering “baitwalla shows”, in which the lions are lured out of the forest towards villages on the outskirts of their sanctuary by cattle tied to tractors. When the lion picks up the scent, the cow is dragged towards the tour group waiting close by and finally untied so that the tourists can watch it being caught, killed and eaten from as little as 10ft away.

I’m with those animal welfare protesters, up to a point.

Of course, those tourists are disgusting and in an ideal world the lions who had been lured out of the forest would ignore the cow and devour the paying public instead.

In fact, that would make great television - or Youtube clips - which could generate even more cash for those wildlife reserves. Just a thought, but maybe worth researching. (I will charge no money for this tip. The satisfaction of seeing the idea being developed will be payment enough.)

Anyway, back to those animal welfare protests. While I agree the practice of tormenting cattle to amuse decadent Western tourists is disgusting, I disagree with the view that it is harmful to the lions.

The one good thing about this foul new holiday gimmick is that it does bring the lions in close contact with humans - and it’s probably a very good thing that, in these controlled environments, are able to learn how sick and utterly vile and murderous human beings are.

‘Know your enemy’ is still a very true and valuable lesson.

People can be so easily shocked and outraged.

Take the St Petersburg attorney planning legal action against some police officers:

An attorney says he plans legal action against St. Petersburg (Fla.) police officers who handcuffed an unruly 5-year-old girl after she acted up in her kindergarten class. A video camera captured images of the girl tearing papers off a bulletin board, climbing on a table and punching an assistant principal before police were called to Fairmount Park Elementary School. Then it shows the child appearing to calm down before three officers approach, pin her arms behind her back and put on handcuffs as she screamed, “No!”

Largo, Fla., lawyer John Trevena, who provided the tape to the media after obtaining it from police, says the officers went too far.

Quite frankly, the attorney doesn’t know how lucky his client was.

If it had been New York cops the 5-year-old girl would have been shot at least fifty times and her surviving family told by the mayor to shut the fuck up already and move on:

“America is a nation of laws, and though not everyone will agree with the verdicts and opinions issued by the courts, we accept their authority.”

Hear, hear.

Now move on, folks. Nothing to see here - and besides, see those cops over there? They’ve got many more bullets left in their guns and many more judges & juries in their pockets too. So, as that old TV sergeant always said at the start of the show, ‘Better be careful out there…’

If it’s not one thing, it’s a bloody other, isn’t it?

The rest of the natural world has it so easy: fish just spawn and peacocks strut - and all goes swimmingly for the fish and easy peasy for those stupid flying cocks.

While for humans everything in the mating game is always so incredibly complicated.

So, like that damn peacock, the average male wants to strut a bit in front of his chosen bird, waving his dandruff free locks and showing a bit of muscle in the process.

Pity that scientists have just found that working at building those muscles will probably make you lose all that lovely hair.

Mind you, it would solve that irritating dandruff problem once and for all:

Men who pump iron are more likely to go bald, scientists warn. They have discovered bodybuilders’ testosterone soars after a weights session – and that turns into a toxic substance which attacks hair follicles.

The research reveals men who lift weights just three times a week for 45 minutes over two years are heading for a premature slaphead. Scientists found testosterone levels soared an average 25 per cent after one of the sessions. They returned to normal after 30 minutes when the body converted the male hormone into a chemical called DHT.

But DHT, or dihydrotestosterone, shrinks follicles and roots – so hair grows back thinner each time. It is the biggest single cause of baldness other than genes.

Walls are part stone, part myth, and part magic.

They can be symbols of oppression and horror - and of protection and hope. They are there to lock people in, or to keep danger out.

And they are supposed to stand forever.

History doesn’t work like that, however, as the surviving builders - and victims - of the Berlin Wall know all too well. For better or for worse, all walls come tumbling down eventually.

So, the following should not come as a surprise - even if it does:

For thousands of years it has withstood fires, floods and earthquakes. But now a portion of one of Judaism’s holiest sites, Jerusalem’s Western Wall, is crumbling.

The rabbi charged with watching over the structure, which the faith believes to be the last remnants of a retaining wall from the ancient Second Temple, has warned that a section repaired more than a century ago is again at risk of falling.

A young Jew prays at Jerusalem’s Western Wall
Mourning prayer: a young Jew at Jerusalem’s Western Wall which is losing its mortar to the rain

Because the weakened stonework is high on the 60ft wall, the danger from any falling fragment to the crowds who pray at its foot each day is particularly acute.

Mind you, with the state of the world as it is, and the state of Israel’s own role in that mostly unhappy part of it, it is no big wonder that the Wall is finally collapsing under the sheer weight of the misery it has been forced to witness over the past centuries.

In other words, this time it’s not just Bush that broke it: