Glob-a-log

Once upon a time Michael Jackson was one of Pesi Cola’s spokes creatures. That in itself doesn’t mean that Pepsi endorses paedophila, of course. After all, they stopped using Michael as one of the (admittedly too scary) faces of the Pepsi Family – more or less around the time that Pajama Party Man started to talk about Jesus juice.

So, it would not be fair either to say that Coca Cola was behind the Crucifixion of Jesus. After all, they stopped sponsoring the Event…

What?

You’re sure? Really, positively, absolutely sure they didn’t?

Cross your heart and hope to…?

Okay, no need to spit nails at me – I was only asking.

Anyway, so whadda ya know: Coca Cola is still sponsoring the killing of Christ!

Many people in the Philippines consider crucifixion and self flagellation good for the soul, but it is bad for your health according to new government advice for penitents.

This Holy Week, the thousands of guilt stricken or pious worshippers who will flay the skin off their backs, and the handful who will crucify themselves, are encouraged to get a tetanus shot first and be sure to use a clean whip or nails. Health Secretary Francisco Duque the 3rd said:

“We are not trying to go against the Lenten tradition here because whipping has somewhat already become some form of ’atonement for sins’ for some of us. Getting deep cut wounds during whippings or lashings is inevitable and being so exposed during the course of the penitence, with all the heat and dust blowing in the wind, welcomes all sorts of infections and bacteria like tetanus.”

Re-enactments of the Passion of Christ are common in many parts of the mostly Roman Catholic Philippines but frowned upon by the church authorities. In San Fernando City 23 people, including two women, have signed up to re-enact the crucifixion at three “improvised Golgothas” around town. Four of them will use real nails. The city government’s website trumpets the preparations:

“The City Health Office (CHO) autoclaved all the nails to be used and will administer anti-tetanus vaccine to all the “Cristos” to ensure their protection from possible infection.”

City officials will conduct an inspection of the Golgothas on Thursday.

The festival is sponsored by Coca-cola and a company called Smart Telecommunications.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 19th, 2008 at 20:29 and is filed under Columns, Religion, Satire. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.