Glob-a-log

If you heard about it already, forgive me but I just read about this latest invention. It’s a new polyurethane bra, called and marketed as The WineRack™:

This comfortable sports-style bra contains a special boob-enhancing polyurethane bladder that can be filled with your drink of choice. Simply slip it on, fill with wine or any other beverage you fancy and wear it under your regular clothes. You can then indulge in a spot of stealth drinking via the WineRack’s adjustable drinking tube. With a rack like this girls’ nights out will never be the same again. As for boys’ nights out, well, the mind boggles.

Quite.

I’m not sure why even the idea of female breasts will always bring out the wroahr-ing adolescent in a certain type of English male reporter but never mind that now. It is a quite marvellous invention. Of course, it does beg the question: but what about us males. Couldn’t we have something similar? No, not a bra – though I am aware of the fact that there are hundreds of thousands of English males of a certain type who find it absolutely hilarious to put on bras when drunk. And a slightly smaller number of Englishmen who enjoy doing that when sober as well, of course.

Anyway, so I’m thinking of a male equivalent of the WineRack™. Maybe… Yes, of course: the old-fashioned codpiece. Or its 21st century equivalent of this medieval torture device, made of polyurethane as well. So that it would fit round the male member like the warm mouth of – well, you get the idea.

For the rest, the same principles would apply as with the WineRack™. Fill ‘er up before you go out and then syphon the contents up as the evening progresses. One caveat though. The women can drink from their cups that otherwise might ’spilleth over’, as the good Book has it. The male situation is a little bit trickier. The booze has to travel somewhat further, which would make for a rather awkwardly long straw.

Plus, there is always the risk of a very unfortunate type of accident. To drink alcohol from a container that’s fastened to the penis, which in itself is the kind of faucet that is meant to get rid of all the alcohol the body has no longer any use for… Wel, you get my drift, I hope. So, yes, one should be very sure that it is the right liquid that makes its way up from the penis area and into the consumer’s eagerly waiting mouth. Otherwise, you would create a situation that might come pleasingly close to the idea of the perpetuum mobile but which might not come close to tasting in any way pleasant.

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This entry was posted on Monday, February 25th, 2008 at 08:54 and is filed under Columns, Satire, Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.