Glob-a-log

This from the ‘Tourism Malaysia’ site:

Malaysia is a land of ready smiles and incredible variety. The rich diversity of experiences and contrasts beckons the worldly traveler, from city-lovers to adventure-seekers and much, much more. Here, in this land of friendly and fascinating people, you can get a taste of all of Asia in a single destination.

First for something completely different though. Today I read a story in the paper which reminded me of an older newspaper article. I’ll give you that older one first:

Doctors desperately tried to re-attach a man’s penis after he burst into a crowded London restaurant on Sunday, dropped his trousers, and hacked his own organ off in front of horrified diners.

The man, thought to be Polish, ran into the Zizzi Italian restaurant on The Strand at about 9pm on Sunday night, when it was crowded with people who had been watching the London Marathon earlier in the day.

Sales rep Stuart McMahon, who was eating at the restaurant with his girlfriend, told the Sun: ‘This guy came running in then charged into the kitchen, got a massive knife and started waving it about.

‘Everyone was screaming and running out as he jumped on a table, dropped his trousers and popped his penis out.

‘Then he cut it off. I couldn’t believe it.’

Now, we’ll come back to the subject of ‘Bring your on meat to the barbecue’ later but first: What is it with Malaysians and penis envy?

I mean, yes, the guy in question was being a dick but still…:

A woman who almost entirely severed her husband’s penis with a knife has been sentenced to six months in prison.

Umidah Setu, an Indonesian living in Malaysia, pleaded guilty in court on Tuesday in the southern city of Johor Bahru to voluntarily causing hurt, local newspapers reported.

Neighbours alerted by screams rushed the man, named in local reports as Qumarodin Bajuri, an Indonesian contract worker, to hospital on Saturday.

Umidah, who is in her late 40s and has two children from her 17-year marriage, said she had taken action after her husband criticised her lack of sexual skills compared to his second wife.

Mind you, it’s not just Malaysian women who are good at playing chop sticks. Sometimes, their husbands beat them to it.

All in the name of love, of course:

A Malaysian man is recovering after he had his penis reattached at Universiti Sains Malaysia Hospital over the weekend.

According to his eldest son the wound was self-inflicted, shortly after his wife confronted him about text messages she discovered from another woman on his cell phone.

A shouting match ensued, and resulted in him claiming that he would prove his faithfulness to her. After hearing him screaming in pain, he emerged bleeding, at which point his wife took him to the hospital.

Anyway, I told you I’d come back to food related issues and so I will.

In America the religious right is always in for a crusade. Whether it is the war on terror, the war on drugs or the war on promiscuity.

Not that they are actually winning any of them but they still love beating the drums and fighting one doomed campaign after the other.

Well, everyone needs a hobby, I suppose.

Still, the people behind all the advertisements warning against the dangers of taking drugs and having extramarital sex could do worse than hire a certain Malaysian guy from the town of Sitiawan.

If his tale won’t convince people that taking drugs can be a risky business, nothing ever will.

Plus, he’d make an excellent poster boy for any sexual abstinence campaign as well, since he won’t be having any sex before marriage - or after, for that matter.

Anyway, you’ve heard of the ‘munchies’? That urge to stuff your face with anything that’s even remotely edible, when you’ve been smoking dope?

This guy had a bad case of it:

A Malaysian man sliced off his own penis, then fried and ate it after taking hallucinatory pills that caused him to hear voices urging him to mutilate himself, police said.

The 34-year-old claimed he only realised what he had done when he saw blood oozing from his crotch, said a police spokesman in the town of Sitiawan, 300 kilometres north of Kuala Lumpur.

The man had taken hallucinatory pills before sleeping on Friday and awoke hearing voices telling him to chop off his penis and devour it, the spokesman said on condition of anonymity.

He was hospitalised in a stable condition, the national news agency Bernama reported.

The man had recently been released from a drug rehabilitation centre.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 15th, 2008 at 16:14 and is filed under Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.