Glob-a-log

It is often claimed that every girl loves a uniform. Whether that is true or not, it is certainly a fact that sex tourism can be big business, including kinky stuff like golden showers.

Still, as the old saying goes, ‘There is a time and a place for everything.’

The Fijian tourist board, however, was not exactly impressed with the actions or timing of a certain Fijian soldier, to put it very mildly:

A Fijian soldier who urinated on a Japanese woman during a flight - sparking outraged headlines in Tokyo - is to blame for a fall in tourism between the two countries, one of Fiji’s leading newspapers has claimed.

The Fiji Times accused the soldier of doing “untold damage” to the country’s image, generating “widespread, negative publicity at a time when we need it the least”.

“Urinating on a tourist on an international flight is a high-profile incident which gains global notoriety,” it wrote.

“It is a brief moment which brings unwanted exposure and deprives the economy of millions of dollars in revenue.”

Unwanted exposure indeed.

Talking of which:

WARSAW, Poland - A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment’s employees.

Polish tabloid Super Express said the woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.

“I was dumbfounded. I thought I was dreaming,” the husband told the newspaper on Wednesday.

The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported.

Mind you, in a way the woman had more reason to be pissed off than the husband. While she was renting out her body to make something on the side, he was merely spending the family’s money to get some on the side.

Anyway, if he hadn’t gone to brothels in the first place, he’d never found out and all would have been well in this supply & demand fairytale.

So, the moral of this story should definitely be that, most of the times, it’s much better to keep it in your pants. Which, by the way, is exactly what most art lovers would have advised the following gentleman to do:

An exhibition of drawings, made by masturbating over paper, has prompted an angry outburst from the Clergy.

Controversial performance artist Jordan McKenzie, 40, is exhibiting 55 images he made by ejaculating over canvas and sprinkling carbon over the results to immortalise them.

The results of his handywork, entitled ‘Spent’ are to go on display at the Centre for Recent Drawing in Highbury, north London, for a month.

McKenzie, who intends to create three drawings a week, said: “This is only the first batch of them.

“It is a diary of my ejaculations they are heartfelt and delicate.”

All of this does read like a multiple choice test from Hell, doesn’t it? Or like a question on a highly dubious ‘to do’ list:

On your next day out would you like to

a) be pissed on by a Fijian soldier
b) come upon your wife in some brothel or
c) watch wank art?

Anyway, while all the stories so far seem to agree on one thing, namely that it is better to keep it in your pants, it must be said that this is not always the best advice - as our last news article of the day quite handsomely shows:

GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — A man who hid hunting knives in his pants to try to steal them from a western Michigan store tripped while fleeing and stabbed himself in the abdomen, police said.

The suspect was hospitalized after Monday night’s attempted theft from a Meijer Inc. superstore in Grand Rapids and is expected to face a misdemeanor shoplifting charge, police say.

The wounds did not appear to be life-threatening, The Grand Rapids Press reported.

The man had put about $300 worth of hunting knives in his waistband, police told WZZM-TV. Police say he tried to leave the store, but Meijer employees confronted him and a scuffle followed.

The man then fell and was stabbed by the knives he had hidden in his clothing, police said.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, January 12th, 2008 at 17:58 and is filed under Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.