Glob-a-log

Okay, so that’s an other irritatingly long campaign dealt with. No, not the US presidential elections, which are still hotting up in an ever more irritating and in your face manner, like an old and rather rude nuclear reactor. No, just another festive season done gone.

So, it is time to get rid of the trees and the glowing Baby Jesus in His fluorescent little manger, ignore both our physical and spiritual hangovers and play that oldest of New Year games: ‘Spot the first one to break his or her New Year’s resolutions in a highly public and entertaining fashion.’

Human nature being as it is, we will not have to wait very long before some celeb has to go rehab again, or some politician will get caught with his trousers down or some city council planning officers will do something intolerably stupid:

A barber shop forced to advertise itself as a chemist because of planning laws has now been told it is breaching medical laws.

Rob Anderson and Dave Banks, of Trafalgar Barbers, have become trapped in an increasingly bizarre web of red tape.

During renovations to the property in Trafalgar Street, Brighton, a 1930s fascia was uncovered with “J. Barker”, “dispensing chemist” and “practical phrenologist” carved in ornate gold leaf writing.

They were then told by planning officers from the city council they must keep the old sign as it is protected by conservation laws - even though it advertised the wrong kind of business.

Then last week the barbers received a letter from the Royal Pharmaceutical Society of Great Britain saying it was illegal to advertise themselves as a “dispensing chemists” when they weren’t.

The letter said it would take further action unless the sign, which contravened the Medicines Act 1968, was taken down.

Not that human beings show much more common sense individually than they do in groups, of course. The famous Darwin Awards will never lack for candidates.

Like toys made in China, promises made in Iowa & new Hampshire and Lindsay Lohan’s acting career prospects, common sense will sink faster than a tempest tossed Titanic, the moment someone says, ‘Did you hear about those two guys in New Mexico…?’

CHAPARRAL, N.M. (AP) - Two southern New Mexico men are recovering after accidentally shooting themselves while trying to trace a loaded .357-caliber Magnum as a pattern for a tattoo.

The Otero County Sheriff’s Department identified the men as Robert Glasser and Joey Acosta. Both are 22.

The sheriff’s department says deputies responded to the shooting in Chaparral on Thursday evening, but Glasser and Acosta were already on their way to a hospital in nearby El Paso, Texas.

Authorities say Glasser was struck in the hand when the gun accidentally went off. Acosta was hit in the left arm.

Oh, and just a small bit of advice, if you make your New Year’s resolutions, try to be a at least a little bit rational. If you’re a ten pack a day, twenty six-packs a day and a thirty KFC buckets of chicken wings kind of guy, don’t tell your loved ones and colleagues that 2008 will be the year you will finish the New York marathon - in anything other than a hearse, that is.

So, along those same lines, if you’re a none too bright, one-legged person, at least try to find a vaguely suitable occupation:

Berlin - A one-legged man who robbed a bank in Hamburg was apprehended after being pursued by staff members, police in the northern German port said on Sunday.

The 41-year-old, a Belgian, had held a knife to the throat of a customer in a branch of the local savings bank on Friday, extracting €1 050 from a member of staff, a police spokesperson said.

Two members of the bank’s staff pursued the man to a nearby shopping centre, alerting the police by cellphone.

Police apprehended the man in a clothes shop. A warrant had previously been issued for his arrest on a similar charge.

Anyway, we’ve done city council and individual stupidity. Which leaves us with one of mankind’s all time favourites: mass hypes & hysteria, fads-sans-frontiers and mondial madness:

Russian pet shops are reporting a shortage of domestic rats, as shoppers snap them up ahead of the Chinese New Year - the Year of the Rat.

Shoppers are said to be buying even mice, hamsters or gerbils. But vets warn that some unwanted rats will be released in the streets.

While Russia’s main religion is Christian Orthodox, Chinese astrology is a pastime for many.

Chinese New Year, based on the Moon’s cycles, begins on 7 February this year.

Rats are soft, charming and clean and do not need a great deal of care, traders say.

But “not everyone is going to be delighted to get a real rat as a present, and those that can’t house them will either return them to a shop, or release them in the streets,” said one Moscow vet quoted by the AFP news agency.

Mind you, if those Moscow vets are worried now about some rats being released in the streets, just wait till next year.

2009 will be the year of the ox.

(And since this coming year is an election year and most of the broken promises, unkept resolutions and much of the foolishness will stem from that, I will leave you with Bruce Springsteen and his ‘Born to run’:

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008 at 18:02 and is filed under Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.