Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna (Goo goo g’joob, goo goo g’joob)
The human brain is a marvellous instrument. It comes up with truly amazing inventions like the wheel, alcohol and the Virgin Birth.
Archimedes supposedly said, ‘Give me a place to stand and a lever long enough and I will move the world.’
And he might very well have done that if he hadn’t spent all his time lolling about in the bath. Still, however useful a tool our brain can be at times, at others its wild workings will merely leave us without a leg to stand on - and in a world of hurt:
Police in southern India are hunting for two men who attacked a Hindu holy man, cut off his right leg and then made off with it. The 80-year-old holy man, Yanadi Kondaiah, claimed to have healing powers in the leg. He is now recovering from his ordeal in hospital in the city of Tirupati in the state of Andhra Pradesh.
Police say that the victim was approached a few days ago by two strangers who came to seek his advice over a medical problem The pair later returned to the old man to thank him for his help. Local police Sub-Inspector Pendakanti Dastgiri said:
“As the old man had the weakness of drinking, he accepted their invitation to have drinks with them. They took him to a deserted spot in the outskirts of the village. After the old man had passed out under the influence of liquor, they cut off his right leg from the knee.”
Mind you, it may all have been a terrible waste of time - for the old man had claimed to have yet another equally amazing magical talent:
Local people believed they could be healed of spiritual and physical problems if they touched his leg. They also believed in Mr Kondaiah’s predictions of the future.
Such a pity then that he didn’t see all of this coming.
Not all people claim that they have the magic, healing touch or can see the future. Which, obviously doesn’t mean they don’t share the old guy’s ‘weakness of drinking’ - and it certainly doesn’t stop them from seeing things…:
SPRING HILL - Two Lema Drive residents were startled Sunday morning when a woman knocked on their door and asked for a ride home because the abominable snowman was chasing her.
Sally Meurant and Carmen Fraccica called police after the woman, whom they had never seen before and who later was identified as Toni Zillifro, came to their home at 7:17 a.m.
Zillifro, who smelled strongly of alcohol according to a police report, told a sheriff’s deputy that she had gotten drunk at a local bar the previous night and that the snowman, which she described as 7-feet tall, had chased her. She said she fought the snowman, even getting in a kick.
Zillifro, 36, was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of disturbing the peace.
Which is a little bit harsh. First you get assaulted by a Yeti and then you get done by the pigs.
be that as it may, of course not all people who are mad get abducted by UFOs, become Elvis imitators or support Ron Paul. Some just call their local chapter of the RSPCA:
The RSPCA answers more than a million queries every year… but it seems that many callers simply have bats in the belfry. Most of the telephone calls involve reports of cruelty or requests for help. But some have raised a few eyebrows.
Sometimes, it’s a case of mistaken identity. One person phoned to report an injured dog in a park. On arrival it was found to be a broken umbrella.
Other phone calls are decidedly less sane”
“Can you come and get a fly off a web?”
“My fish has lost its balance. It’s depressed.”
“There is a frog in my pond that has swallowed a golf ball.”
Perhaps the following caller didn’t intend to phone the RSPCA when he claimed that he was dressed as a dog and his girlfriend was beating him so he wanted to log a complaint against her.
The call centre could only agree when one person rang to say: “I want to cancel the call - the pig has flown off.”
All of the above was meant to prove or highlight something but by now my brain is hurting too much and I need to lie down for a bit.
Still, as long as there are humans out there I’m sure I can leave you with the promise, ‘To be continued…’
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