Ho ho hopeless: more tales of seasonal stupidity
“So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young”
Yes, that was John Lennon - or at least the rather uninspiring start of his famous (but still quite lame) Christmas song, ‘So this is Christmas (war is over)’.
Mind you, at least he tried to get into the spirit of things. You can’t say that, for instance, for Her Majesty’s Court Service:
FINE-dodgers across Bromsgrove will be getting special Christmas cards courtesy of Her Majesty’s Court Service (HMCS) warning them to pay-up or face arrest.
Operation Tick Tock targets convicted and sentenced criminals who owe thousands of pounds, having failed to pay court fines or compensation, despite previous warnings from the courts service.
People will be given one last opportunity to pay immediately when teams of court enforcement officers blitz homes in Bromsgrove - failure to pay will result in immediate arrest.
Special dedicated court sittings at Redditch Magistrates will be arranged to deal with the culprits at the time.
Senior enforcement manager for HMCS West Mercia, Andrew Williams, said: “People who have unpaid fines should take action now or face arrest in the next few days - the message we are sending out is:’Your time is up, pay up or face the consequences’.
Back to Lennon though - and his express wish that we shared Christmas with our nearest and our supposedly dearest.
Since fairly recently Mr Shawn Fay Johnson may not share this sentiment exactly:
A woman stabbed her husband with a kitchen knife following an argument that began when she accused him of opening a Christmas present early, authorities said Friday.
Misty Johnson, 34, was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and battery, a felony, and misdemeanor domestic battery. Her husband, Shawn Fay Johnson, 34, was treated at a hospital for a wound to the chest, police said.
Misty Johnson made an initial court appearance Thursday in which she requested a court-appointed attorney, authorities said. She was released after posting bail, which was set at $7,500.
One more word about John Lennon. He was quite famously in for all manner of good causes. Which resulted in some terrible and self-promoting fluff, as when he was doing his ‘bed-in’ for peace, in the Amsterdam Hilton - and with hindsight his near enthusiasm for the ‘kids in the IRA’ was as simplistically stupid as it was hypocritical, what with his loudly proclaimed pacifism and all.
He also treated his first wife like absolute shit: while he was married and after he ran out on her and begrudged her and their son any of the insane amounts of money he made as a lovable Beatle - and that while writing and singing absolutely wonderful feminist anthems like ‘Woman is the nigger of the world.’
In other words, Lennon could be a self-promoting, hypocritical and simplistic piece of shit - but a very talented one. And yes, he did some great work.
Which brings us to ‘Friends of the Earth’.
An environmental organisation that, in the spirit of John Lennon, has done if not great then at least some very useful work. However, like the former Beatle, it can be self-obsessed to the point of total, humourless zombiehood - that and a talent for simplistic and, in truth, rather stupid stunts to boot.
Lennon is no longer with us, so I can only address this to Friends of the Earth. So, here goes:
Bravo, you sad clowns, you just handed the most perfect Christmas gift to all those good folks who are still in denial over environmental issues. Way to go!
So, get serious but get human - and please get a life, you frigging morons:
A gift company selling empty packages containing “imaginary friends” has been criticised by green organisations.
Friends of the Earth and Waste Watch say the gifts, sold by the Diabolical Gift People, could be the biggest waste of packaging on shop shelves.
The manufacturers describe the ingredients as “air and imagination” and advise buyers to retain packaging for future use.
A spokesman for the company said the product was meant as a joke.
A Friends of the Earth spokesman said: “We see some pretty absurd wasteful packaging but I don’t think we’ve even seen a gift package which contains nothing before.
“Firms have to be responsible about packaging. But it’s also up to consumers to make wise decisions.
“This sounds like something that is very cheap to make. It actually sounds like something you’d give to someone you don’t like.”
Mike Webster, a consultant with Waste Watch, said: “It’s indicative of this single-use culture we live in. But the packages normally have something inside. Here they seem to be selling nothing for £1.99.”
The Diabolical Gift People spokesman said: “People pay money for it because it’s a joke. There are all sorts of things that are sold that are totally pointless.”
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