Ten things I’d like to say to trolls
 
Once in a while even the most modest of sites will get visted by internet trolls.
I know that it is the wisest thing by far to ignore them and their pesky comments but at times one can be very much tempted to get back at these pests and be rude and personally abusive oneself.
There have been many times in my life that I muttered some choice & foul obscenities under my breath before counting to ten and letting things go.
Which is the grown-up thing to do, of course but still: where’s the fun in that?
In other words, this post is all about letting off steam - containing just a few of the things I would liked to have said to those, happily few people who leave their poisonous comments or posts here.
So, here’s what I would call my ‘Dear X’ list:
1) I’m so glad ugly little fucks like you don’t grow on trees.
2) If you were Iraq I would sell Dick Cheney T-shirts.
3) If we could build toxic shit containers like you we would solve all our nuclear waste problems in one go.
4) In fact, you are worse than waste. I wouldn’t want your stupid ashes to mingle with honest Death Valley sand.
5) If you were a cocktail I would have you like the fucking Titanic: on the rocks.
6) You, sir, are a pest. You have the charm of Donald Rumsfeld, the taste of Oprah Winfrey, the wit of OJ Simpson and the brains of Paris Hilton.
7) You, madam, are a nuisance. Your soul must look like Ann Coulter on a bad hair day.
8) You’re like a pitbull singing ABBA songs. An ugly little fucker making ugly little noises.
9) Oh, go eat your brain. Yes, it would fit on a very small party cracker but it’s poisonous enough to do the business.
10) You’re like a slasher zombie movie. Not scary but deeply disgusting.
Ah yes, I feel much better now…
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