Let’s say God does want Mike Huckabee to become president…
The Republican candidate Mike Huckabee has announced that God has told him to run for president.
Right, so let’s assume, for the sake of argument, that God does indeed want the Huckster as the next president of the US. I’m not really interested in the technical details. The Man Himself may have done that burning bush thing again, or He may have sent yet another messenger angel to convey these happy tidings. Still, let’s say it was Jehovah’s signature under this blank political cheque.
Is that really such a welcome endorsement though? If I were a starting professional writer, would I really want the support of all comers? Would I welcome, let’s say, the kind words of Dan Brown, writing a blurb like, ‘This is a very well-written book with a highly intelligent plot line and great dialogue’?
For this is the same God who asked Noah to build an Ark because it was going to rain for forty days and forty nights. Telling him, to be more precise, to build a wooden ship as big as a largish county and then to try and get get all the world’s animals on board – and this after the type of weather forecast one could only qualify as ‘your average English summer.’ Worst case scenario, really? A 24 hours’ postponement of the mixed doubles finals at Wimbledon.
Does a serious presidential candidate really need the endorsement of a God who gets all panicky when it is merely threatening to rain a bit? That would be like that story about the boy who was always crying, ‘Wolf, wolf!’. Or like another certain president, with the same kind of God cred, who’s always crying ‘They have weapons of mass destruction!‘ & ‘They’re building nuclear weapons!’
Still, to have God behind you – that must be worth something, no? Well, indeed, it does. It would take a bit too far to retell the whole story of the tribes of House of Israel, from their enslavement in Egypt to, let’s say, the middle of the 20th century but let’s simply leave it at the observation that if you are God’s ‘Chosen People’ you are seriously fucked.
Talking of Egypt – and God’s role as a celestial Dan Brown – remember how the Lord told Moses to lead his people out of captivity and towards the Promised Land? So, from Cairo to Jerusalem. That’s a 424 kilometers’ (or a 254 miles’) long journey. Which is, admittedly, a fair bit of walking but with God’s guidance the trip took a literally quite staggering forty years…!
Again, if you were running for the ‘mightiest man on earth’ job, would you necessarily welcome the support of Someone who has the spatial awareness and homing instinct of a seriously demented squirrel? Talk about déja vu but wouldn’t that be a little bit too much like the recent past, where that other God-sent president tried to solve an Afghanistan-based ‘problem’ by invading Iraq?
In other words, whether Huckabee is deluded or correct in his ‘I’m God’s feller’ assertions, the only sane response by the American electorate would be like that of the Indian Brave of an old, old joke. It goes like this:
A quite mangy looking Indian Brave is looking out over the Atlantic ocean. Suddenly a flying saucer drops from the sky. A hatch opens and a little green fellow jumps out. The alien approaches the earthling and says,
“We come in peace.”
The Indian Brave sighs, and then says:
“Oh no, not again…”
The following message is fully endorsed by presidential candidate Mike Huckabee:
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