Pamela Anderson can save your life!!!
The biggest fans of political correctness and health & safety nutters are the tabloids, of course. They love to fill their columns with ‘P.C. or H&S GONE MAD!!!’ stories.
Well, as hard as it is to admit it, sometimes even tabloids can be right. Things really have gone way too far in this regard.
For instance, you thought Sesame Street was a children’s programme? Well, according to some it sure ain’t:
Sunny days! The earliest episodes of “Sesame Street” are available on digital video! Break out some Keebler products, fire up the DVD player and prepare for the exquisite pleasure-pain of top-shelf nostalgia. Just don’t bring the children. According to an earnest warning on Volumes 1 and 2, “Sesame Street: Old School” is adults-only:
“These early ‘Sesame Street’ episodes are intended for grown-ups, and may not suit the needs of today’s preschool child.”
Say what? At a recent all-ages home screening, a hush fell over the room. “What did they do to us?” asked one Gen-X mother of two, finally. The show rolled, and the sweet trauma came flooding back. What they did to us was hard-core. Man, was that scene rough. The masonry on the dingy brownstone at 123 Sesame Street, where the closeted Ernie and Bert shared a dismal basement apartment, was deteriorating. Cookie Monster was on a fast track to diabetes. Oscar’s depression was untreated. Prozacky Elmo didn’t exist.
Censoring TV shows and books and movies – or infesting them with stickers and parental warnings – is always fun, for a certain type of anal retentive moron but for those who really don’t have a life and love to spread their hard-earned misery around, there is no time more jolly than Christmas.
What better way to let the world know what a sad & useless prick (or cunt) you are than by attacking Santa?
A school is forcing Santa Claus to wear a green suit this year – in case his traditional red costume reminds children of Coca-Cola adverts.
It claims Santa’s image has become too commercial and want pupils to learn about his origins instead of sitting on his lap and asking for the latest toy.
The school’s 200 pupils, aged from three to 16, will instead be greeted by a green-suited, slipper-wearing Father Christmas at its festive bazaar.
Sarah James, spokeswoman for the Steiner School in Brighton, said: ‘The red-suited Santa was created as a marketing tool by Coca-Cola, it is a symbol of commercialism.’
Bless.
No, let’s rephrase that: ‘And fuck you too, ma’am.’
Yes, that’s better.
Oh, by the way, do you know how you can see when things have really gone too far?
Well, that’s fairly easy. You know the world as we knew it has really gone totally Mad Hatter Tea-party when the infernal PC brigade is being embraced and joined at the hip by bloody PC Plod…!
Scotland Yard is spending £15,000 on ethnically diverse police mascots after complaints that PCSO Steve, its current rubber representative, is too white, too male, and too blond.
Three new mascots – to be known as “Police Pals” – will make up, with Steve, Britain’s first foam-headed Safer Neighbourhood team. A new police community support officer called Sunita will be joined by two police constables, one male and one female, who will appear at schools across London from next year.
The initiative follows the creation of a working group within the force’s Diversity and Citizen Focus Directorate to tackle “race and gender” issues within the Met’s mascot division.
I suppose the Borg were right with their, ‘Resistance is futile.’
So, maybe we all should join the PC and health and safety zombie force. They’re going to come and get us, to suck all the joy out of our lives soon enough anyway.
Well then, in the glorious French way of surrender & collaboration, here’s my craven olive branch, wrapped in a tattered white flag: my own health & safety warning for next year’s summer:
“This is a health & safety message to all the girls and women out there:
DO NOT GO TO THE BEACH BEFORE YOU’VE HAD A BOOB JOB! REMEMBER: A “PAMELA ANDERSON” CAN SAVE YOUR LIFE!!!”
An Israeli woman wounded in a Hezbollah rocket attack is saved by her silicone breast implants.
A spokesman for Nahariya Hospital in northern Israel says shrapnel embedded in the implants, just inches from the 24-year-old woman’s heart.
He tells Reuters, “She was saved from death.”
If you enjoyed this post, subscribe today to get free updates by email or RSS.
