Three true tales of giving head (The head of the queue, the head of the class, and the head of the condom)
Porn is everywhere these days. In fact, it’s often easier to catch a glimpse of some stranger’s grotesquely enlarged pubes than it is to catch a bus.
Although the latter can’t be said be said of Bulgaria’s capital Sofia:
Bus passengers in Sofia are being shown soft porn films on giant video screens at night.
During the day the plasma screens in the Bulgarian capital show bus times, but the night shift now has the porn films on view. A spokesman for the station management said:
“We wanted to give the passengers something to take their minds off the cold and to pass the time while waiting for a bus, and there are unlikely to be children around that time of night.”
The move however has angered many, including mothers with young children, who say the movies are a disgrace.
They also claim the security guards have stopped patrolling for troublemakers, and spend their time watching the giant screens instead.
Indeed, a truly heart-warming story – especially the bit about the station management expressing concern that children might have watched these scenes.
He needn’t have worried about children staying up late enough to catch these movies. Nowadays, kids get their daily communion of porn at school:
Students at a strict 152-year-old Catholic college, which warns against promiscuity and extra-marital sex, have been caught passing round explicit snaps of teachers.
Nude photos of Kiran Sohanpaul, 39, where found on her mobile phone when she lent it to a boy to listen to a song with - and then spread like wildfire.
In one, nothing is left to the imagination as she is seen lying naked on a bed. But the amazed pupils also found a full-frontal shot of sixth-form deputy head Peter Cook - who has a long-term partner and two children.
The 38-year-old is seen naked with a tattoo just above his crotch, in a shot thought have been taken in a hotel on a school trip. One Year 11 student at St Joseph’s College, Croydon, Surrey, said:
“It’s fair to say we were pretty shocked, especially since we get lectured about strict Christian values all the time. It was wrong to pinch the photos, but they must have thought it too good an opportunity to miss. The head must have gone ballistic.”
No doubt he did – but it’s still a sad fact that where the head leads the body doesn’t necessarily follow.
Still, someone should have told that teacher and her deputy head lover that safe sex and mobile phone cameras are not exactly a marriage made in Heaven.
Talking of safe sex and the Catholic faith, the Vatican still frowns on the use of condoms. While this seems quite a cruel judgement in a world filled with millions of HIV and AIDS victims and God knows how many starving children, there is – or rather: was – this one guy in New Haven who might have been served better if he had followed the Pope’s strict ruling on condoms:
A naked man died after pulling a condom filled with laughing gas over his head, an inquest was told yesterday.
Unemployed Gary Ashbrook, 31, was found dead in bed at his home in Newhaven, East Sussex.
Housemate Michael Young said:
“He had been putting a condom on his head for sexual gratification. I’m sure his death was an accident.”
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