Shotguns, mushrooms and chain saws
Everybody knows that traffic can be murder. However, people fail to take into account that even a stationary car can be quite lethal.
Especially, when its owner is a moron:
A US man has injured himself in both legs after attempting to loosen a stiff wheel-nut by blasting it with his gun.
The 66-year-old man from Washington state was repairing his car outside his home when the accident took place.
Shooting at the wheel from arm’s length with his 12-gauge shotgun, he was peppered with buckshot and debris.
The man - who police say was on his own and not intoxicated - was taken to hospital. He’d sustained injuries from his feet to the middle of his abdomen, with some pellets reaching as high as his chin.
There’s an old saying the NRA folks like to employ, whenever one of their adored toys has been used in yet another bit of senseless slaughter, ‘Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.’
However factual or facetious that argument may be, both gun lovers and gun haters would probably agree that one thing is absolutely sure: that stupidity can kill people as quickly and efficiently as the sharpest knife, the most powerful gun or the most lethal poison.
Talking of which:
A 45 year old man from Fuentes de León in Badajoz, José Manuel Hidalgo, ate some mushrooms to show they were not poisonous, and ended up in intensive care.
The victim got into an argument with other locals as to how lethal wild mushrooms could be, with a poster warning that as little as 20 grams could be fatal. José Manuel did not believe it, and suddenly to prove his point, started to eat the mushroom. On the second bite he showed symptoms of being drunk, and continued to claim the mushroom was not fatal.
An ambulance was called but it took considerable argument before the patient finally agreed to be taken to hospital. By this time he had turned yellow and started to vomit. He spent two days in the intensive care unit, and finally was allowed out onto the ward on Tuesday afternoon amid concerns that his liver may have suffered permanent damage.
A quite beautiful example of ‘Putting your mushrooms where your mouth is.’
Still, people can get lucky, and the two idiots mentioned above did survive their own monstrous stupidity.
Not everybody is that fortunate, of course – but then, few people show the kind of terminal determination a certain young Austrian computer nerd proved to have:
A 19-year-old computer gamer who lived in the Upper Austrian town of Laakirchen beheaded himself with a chain saw.
In the past months the teenager loved to play a certain computer game, in which monsters have to be beheaded with chain saws.
The young man locked himself in his room of his parental home, and removed his head with a chain saw. The younger sisters heard the noise from his room, and tried to push the door in, but it was too late. Their 19-year-old brother was beyond remedy.
Strangely enough, a footnote to this weird story shows that the victim was not the only one having problems using his head in the more conventional manner.
Enter the police and their breathtakingly refreshing summing-up of the mental state of the deceased:
This kind of suicide is a mystery for the investigators. The suicide victim was a very happy young man.
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