Deep Throat, rice-paddied bras & strippers (The things we do for love)
First, a bit of statistics – and something that will be painfully hard to swallow for the likes of George Lucas and Steven Spielberg:
Deep Throat is reportedly the most profitable film ever. It was made for $25,000 (£13,700) and has grossed more than $600m.
Ah yes, the good old days – when even the most brutal porn was deemed to be emancipating. We’ve come a long way since then, haven’t we? With our pole-dancing Britneys and all those ‘Nights in Paris’? Okay, maybe we haven’t.
Still, anything’s better than the fifties, when women were lovingly and routinely addressed as ‘cupcake.’
Talking of which… Call it nostalgia or a very weird case of retro racial and/or cultural stereotyping, but ‘cupcakes’ is back! Sort of:
Women’s underwear maker Triumph Japan showcased a bra with cups designed to look like a pair of rice and miso soup bowls and side pouches to hold compact chopsticks.
The “My Hashi” or “My Chopsticks” bra was designed to promote environmentally friendly measures to reduce the use of disposable chopsticks.
And the Chopstick bra has benefits beyond protecting the planet - the chopsticks encased in both sides of the bra will push up breasts and “gently accentuate cleavage,” the company said.
Clever marketing though. Since most men are simple creatures, with nothing more than cleavage and food on the brain, a woman who is that desperate to attract a man could do worse than wear one of those awfully cute Triumph bras.
Not that all women are that desperate to have their breasts measured in rice cups, or to find a man:
A Serbian woman has turned down more than 150 marriage proposals because she has still not met Mr Right.
Milunka Dabovic, now aged 38, from Maskova in central Serbia still lives with her mum.
She got her first proposal when she was 14 and they have been coming ever since.
Most people though are less fussy. Just take a look at all those new-fangled, digital dating sites or the more old-fashioned personal ads in the newspapers. Desperate, yes. Fussy, no – not really:
“Romance is dead. So is my mother. Man, 42, inherited wealth.”
“To some, I am a world of temptation. To others, I’m just another cross-dressing pharmacist. Male, 41.”
“Bald, fat, short, and ugly male, 53, seeks short-sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite.”
Still, some people do not like dating sites or newspaper ads. They prefer the hands-on and more personal approach. Which doesn’t make them any less desperate, of course – or in any way more successful…:
A driving instructor disguised a 12-inch carrot in his trousers to make a woman driver think she had given him an erection, a court has heard.
Stephen Cooney, 51, even grabbed the woman’s hand to make her feel the vegetable before revealing it as part of a so-called joke.
The woman told Teesside Crown Court: “He said ‘You’ve got me so excited’, and I thought it was an erection. He said it was because my driving was so good.”
Another woman, a single mother who had more than 20 lessons with Cooney, said he had offered to cancel her bill if she had sex with him in a layby, but she refused.
She said Cooney touched her breasts during lessons, once showed her naked photos of himself and admitted masturbating while watching her from his home.
Me, I blame the parents. Especially the mothers. Mothers should stop spoiling their little boy brats and stop giving the little monsters what they want the moment they start to make a fuss. Teach the boys how to fend for themselves at a young age, and teach them, by example, how to deal with and respect women.
That’s not exactly the equivalent of nuclear physics, now is it? Quite doable, in fact, one might think. Though mostly, I’m afraid, one would be dead wrong…:
Most parents like to pull out all the stops to make a child’s 16th birthday as memorable as possible.
But having a female stripper surprise your son in front of his teacher in class would not feature on many wish-lists.
Yet that’s what happened when one woman booked a special performer for her son’s big day. She stipulated that the surprise take place in drama class - and even asked the teacher to film it so the family could see the boy’s reaction.
But - thanks to what has been put down as a booking error - a female stripper turned up in place of the gorilla-suited man the unnamed mother had apparently asked for.
The stripper, who arrived on cue halfway through the lesson, first walked the birthday boy around the classroom on all fours. Then, gyrating to the sounds of Britney Spears, she spanked him before stripping down to her bra and knickers and insisting the “naughty” schoolboy rub cream all over her body.
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