You dirty ‘ol egg suckin Hound (Dodgy dog stories)
Animals can be quite a handful. From stuffed tigers to domestic goats, at time they seem to be more trouble than they are worth having about the place.
Take your average pooch. If it’s not shitting on the pavement or yapping at anything that passes, it’s threatening more than the dignity of all those long-suffering lampposts:
A doggy urinal is being touted as the answer to prematurely corroded lampposts in Sweden.
It consists of a rubber cup attached to the post and a hose to pipe the urine into the gutter.
‘The average lamp-post has a lifespan of 30 years but my invention could add a further 15 years,’ said inventor Lennart Jarlebro, from Boras.
Mind you, if dog piddle can cause that much damage to lampposts I hope to got that the Parisian authorities have made sure that no French canines can make a habit of pissing against any of the four pillars of the Eiffel tower…
Of course, lubricating lampposts is not the only bit of mischief man’s supposedly best friend does on a regular basis.
Or, as the old song goes:
“Oh where, oh where has my little dog gone
Oh where, oh where can he be
With his ears cut short and his tail cut long
Oh where, oh where can he be?”
Well, why don’t you just look right behind you, pal?
Ah, too late…:
Chicago - A pack of hunting dogs shot a man as he went to retrieve a fallen pheasant, authorities said.
The hunter had put his gun on the ground to climb a fence and retrieve the fallen bird. But the dogs followed him too closely, stepping on the gun’s trigger before he managed to get over the fence.
About 100 to 120 pellets of birdshot hit him square in the left calf at a distance of just one metre.
Mind you, in Australia, a continent which has more deadly animals than sense, they would laugh at people who’d think dogs can be dangerous:
Police in Australia kept an aggressive crocodile in a cell overnight after it threatened some local fisherman.
Senior Constable Wade Marshall told the BBC said that the unruly crocodile “had a go” at some fishermen who were trying to retrieve their boat, so they locked the reptile up before taking it to a nearby crocodile farm.
However he ensured that the prisoner was well-treated and comfortable.
And yet, ungratefulness is sharper than a serpent’s tooth. We expect crocodiles to take a grim view of two-legged nuisances with a handbag fixation – but Fido, our collective bestest of best friends… surely we should be able to put our trust in all those faithful Fidos out there…?
Well, maybe not. As this old news story, from Germany’s Wupperthal, so regrettably shows:
“We will not have him put down. Lucky is basically a damn good guide dog,” Ernst Gerber, a dog trainer from Wuppertal told reporters. “He just needs a little brush-up on some elementary skills, that’s all.”
Gerber admitted to the press conference that Lucky, a German shepherd guide-dog for the blind, had so far been responsible for the deaths of all four of his previous owners.
“I admit it’s not an impressive record on paper. He led his first owner in front of a bus, and the second off the end of a pier. He actually pushed his third owner off a railway platform just as the Cologne to Frankfurt express was approaching and he walked his fourth owner into heavy traffic, before abandoning him and running away to safety. But, apart from epileptic fits, he has a lovely temperament. And guide dogs are difficult to train these days.”
Asked if Lucky’s fifth owner would be told about his previous record, Gerber replied:
“No. It would make them nervous, and would make Lucky nervous. And when Lucky gets nervous he’s liable to do something silly.”
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