Sweet Jesus, help me: I married a psycho! (Just some more things they don’t teach you at school.)
Recently, all the right-wing & God-police commentators in New Zealand had a field day when the following story broke:
Funding for tertiary courses in prostitution could be considered under changes aimed at boosting quality and relevance in the sector, education officials say.
But MPs on Parliament’s education and science select committee were told today that although courses in the world’s oldest profession might be considered if providers put them forward, they would still have to meet tight criteria to get funding.
Still, and ignoring the clamouring of the paid-to-be-easily-offended brigade, you have to admit it’s not a bad idea per se.
People have been killing other people since Adam and Eve decided to raise a little Cain, but we still train our kids to do it ever more efficiently in our military academies.
So, why not train hookers to become better at what they’ve been doing since time began?
What’s more, why stop at giving courses aimed at the oldest profession in the world? Why not teach people how to do better within one of the oldest institutions on earth as well: marriage?
God knows most people could do with a little bit of help in this department.
You know, normally these things start well enough. Love is in the air, and all of that – with violins, and roses – and a ‘My angel’ here and a ‘Sweet princess’ there…
… but then you get hitched and suddenly that same princess is behaving in a decidedly odd manner:
Norwegian Princess Martha Louise announced on Tuesday that she is clairvoyant and wants to help people by teaching them how to talk to angels.
The 35-year-old trained physical therapist and daughter of King Harald and Queen Sonja said on a Web site for her alternative education centre that she has been communicating with angels since childhood.
They never warn you about these things when you’ve finally made it to the church or the register office.
So, some schooling would not go amiss. At the moment, when people want to take a closer look at how a particular relationship functions they have no formal education to fall back on. They just improvise – with, at times, the most embarrassing results:
An Israeli man who hired a detective to find out whether his daughter was cheating on her husband was told by the investigator his wife was in fact the one being unfaithful, an Israeli newspaper reported on Sunday.
The man had his daughter followed at the request of his son-in-law, who had been suspicious of his wife’s behaviour. The daughter was found innocent but the private investigator managed to snap photographs of the mother and another man caught in the act.
Talking about embarrassing situations though: it can get worse – much, much worse…
Think Cherie Blair singing ‘When I’m 64′ (or just think ‘Tony & Cherie‘…) or that other golden duo: Bill & Monica.
Think ‘Ouch!’:
A football referee halted a match after his furious wife stormed on to the pitch and hurled a pile of his shirts on the grass.
She then gave Philip Prentice a mouthful before marching off in the 21st minute.
Players helped pick up the shirts - which had all the buttons cut off.
The 55-year-old official apologised to the teams before play continued.
Now, from the left I hear laughter and all the men saying: ‘Right on!’, while on the right I hear the dark mutterings of the women, going: ‘Why just pick on us?’
Why indeed?
If you think wives have the upper hand in the marriage miasma theater, think again:
A teacher allowed a schoolgirl to carry out a sex act on him as he drove the school minibus while speaking on his mobile telephone, a court was told yesterday. Andrew Riley, 36, left the girl feeling impressed with his ability to talk to a colleague at the same time, the court was told.
The married father-of-two also took the 18-year-old to hotels, gave her champagne and offered her cocaine before having “amazing” sex with her, Preston Crown Court was told.
Mr Riley, of Lancaster, was head of the sixth form at Baines High School in Poulton-le-Fylde at the time of the alleged incidents.
He denies two charges of an abuse of trust and sexual activity with a child and a single charge of offering to supply cocaine between May and July 2005.
Mr Riley did not deny spending nights in a hotel with the girl but denied having sex with her or giving her cocaine.
To be honest, it might take a little bit more than a ‘tertiary course’ in marriage studies to deal with that kind of situation.
Sometimes, book knowledge can only take you so far. Then, it’s good to know that the genes of Adam & Eve’s elder boy, like some wild river, still run strong through all of us:
A US woman is facing firearms charges after doctors probing her husband’s “headache” found a bullet in his head.
Michael Moylan was admitted to hospital in Florida on Wednesday complaining of severe head pain. His wife April fled when a bullet was discovered.
She was subsequently arrested for illegal possession of a firearm.
Moylan, a convicted felon, later told police she had accidentally shot her husband as he slept when she drew a gun kept under her pillow.
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