And the winner is… (The Barry Manilow Awards, for the most stupid and offensive noise made in public)
This just in from Fort Lupton Colo.:
Violaters of the city of Fort Lupton’s noise ordinance were in for a big surprise this past Friday. The city’s judge sentenced citizens who have been busted for being too loud to 1 hour of listening to unpopular or unusual music.
Judge Paul Sacco carries out the punishment about four times per year. He said he believes the sentence fits the crime.
“When you have a person playing rap at extreme volumes all over the city, and they have to sit down and listen for an hour to Barry Manilow, its horrible punishment,” he said.
And yes, it’s that time of year again: Awards Season! With a brand new award for an old, old favourite: ‘The Barry Manilow Awards for the most stupid and offensive noise made by an individual or organization.’
This year’s list of candidates looks pretty impressive.
One of the favourites for the BMA is the English Institute of Education, which has recently done yet another incredibly stupid study and now claims that,
Children should not be ticked off by teachers because it may make them feel bad.
The Institute of Education report also said pupils should be allowed to chat in lessons rather than sitting quietly and paying attention.
Dr Tamara Bibby, who led the two-year University of London project, said:
“Making children sit quietly and look at the teacher may be counter-productive. Talking to each other is one way children learn. Criticism by a teacher can raise feelings of anxiety about not being liked and therefore interfere with learning.”
Yes, of course. We don’t have nearly enough narcissistic people yet, who think they should be allowed to do whatever the Hell they want, whenever they feel like, and wherever they find themselves. God forbid we should explain to children that they are part of a larger community, or teach them civil and sociable behaviour (besides, maybe, teaching them stuff.)
Ever felt that you didn’t need your booze-sweating uncle corner you at family get-togethers and warn you about the evils of alcohol? Or that older spinster sister, telling you how to raise your unruly brood? Then you will be much pleased to hear that amongst this year’s candidates for the BMW is none other than our favourite non-playing, sexual arbiter, Pope Benedict XVI, who,
blasted Europeans for being selfish and not having enough children, in a sermon on Saturday at the 850-year-old pilgrimage site of Mariazell in Austria.
“Europe has become child-poor. We want everything for ourselves and place little trust in the future,” the pope told a crowd of faithful from his canopied area at an open-air, afternoon mass that took place under heavy rain.
Just what we needed: the richest professional bachelor alive telling the rest of the world what they should do within the confines of its collective bedrooms. Telling self-centered Europeans that they should go and create ever more consumerist duplicates seamlessly follows that other bit of brilliant Papal advice to the people in AIDS-ridden communities all over the world; namely that using condoms is a deadly sin.
Another strong candidate for the BMA is the British East Cheshire NHS Trust. Following in the proud footsteps of other insane, health & safety ridden Napoleon type bureaucrats, they have enforced yet another baffling ban:
A hospital has branded knitting a health and safety hazard.
Patients have been knitting away without incident at Congleton War Memorial Hospital in Cheshire for years.
But now health and safety officials at the small community hospital have decided that knitting can be dangerous.
East Cheshire NHS Trust defended their action, saying they were just trying to create a safe environment for patients. Bernie Salisbury, Director of Nursing and Operations, said:
“We were concerned about the ease with which youngsters could access knitting needles in the waiting area and believe this sensible and proactive measure will avoid accidents.
Ah, that does bring back some old and lovely memories: those old ladies knitting while the guillotine sang, during France’s Reign of Terror. If only the French authorities would have thought of banning knitting needles. So much senseless harm would have been avoided…
Really, what with hospital bugs and medical errors killing thousands upon thousands of patients a year, banning knitting needles must obviously come as a priority…
Bookies’ favourite to win this year’s BMA though is a German newsreader:
She was Germany’s favourite newsreader - a blonde, blue-eyed television star who became a campaigner for old-fashioned femininity.
Now Eva Herman has fallen from her pedestal - she has been sacked for praising Hitler’s policies towards women, families and motherhood. The Nazi years, she said, while presenting her latest book, The Noah’s Ark Principle, were a cruel time. They had, though, a redeeming quality: they celebrated family values.
“There were the good things too, that is to say the values, the children, the mothers, the families, the solidarity . . .”
Some insiders though doubt that Frau Hermans will walk away with the BMA, since she has already won the much coveted Mel Gibson ‘Racial Sensitivity’ Award and the Don Imus ‘Grace on Air’ Trophy.
The BMA will be presented to the winner, later this month, live on Fox News, by Ann Coulter.
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September 19th, 2007 at 15:07
You have some legitimate targets, but the Pope made a point that cannot be ignored. The ‘demagraphic timebomb’ linked to the declining population in Europe is being taken increasingly seriously by politicians, academics, etc. It’s particularly relevant to the UK as the govenment has an extremely unethical policy that attemts to deal with this by enticing skilled workers, trained medical staff, etc, from other countries that are suffering serious consequences as a result. E.g. a few months ago, representatives form Poland were here, trying to convince their countrymen that their country needs their skills. But if we have plentiful plumbers and staff to serve us in restaurants, we don’t care, do we?
September 19th, 2007 at 15:10
You have some legitimate targets, but the Pope made a point that cannot be ignored. The ‘demographic timebomb’ linked to the declining population in Europe is being taken increasingly seriously by politicians, academics, etc. It’s particularly relevant to the UK as the govenment has an extremely unethical policy that attemts to deal with this by enticing skilled workers, trained medical staff, etc, from other countries that are suffering serious consequences as a result. E.g. a few months ago, representatives form Poland were here, trying to convince their countrymen that their country needs their skills. But if we have plentiful plumbers and staff to serve us in restaurants, we don’t care, do we?
September 19th, 2007 at 15:49
I’m not denying the Europe has a problem with its population build up. I just take issue with the pope turning a demographic problem into a moral crusade.
J.