Glob-a-log

Just in from Times man Rod Liddle.

This for all who love beards – or don’t…

Well, whatever, really.

Which of the following do you think is, or are, the more satanic: football, the Royal College of Music, taking the dog for a walk, or Jews? I’m looking for spiritual guidance here, please.

I’ve tried ringing Sheikh Riyadh ul Haq, the eminent Muslim scholar, to find out but no reply. I think, reading between the lines of his various speeches, it’s Jews. But one can’t be sure. For example, “Jews” and “music” are sort of synonymous; music is part of the “satanic” web by which Jews spread their filth through the world, as I am sure you’re aware. So pointless to distinguish between them, really.

Aside from music, football, walking the dog and Jews, Riyadh also takes a pretty tough stance on Hindus, homosexuals, Christians and immodest women.

His favourite things, meanwhile, seem to be long beards, armed jihad, martyrdom, the Muslim Council of Britain (which quite likes him, in return) and marrying lots of women.

What’s with Ron and the beards, anyway? He seems quite obsessed about them:

Osama’s beard was looking pretty foxy, wasn’t it? Midnight Raven by L’Oréal, I would reckon – because you’re worth it, inshallah. Possibly the same shade as Davina McCall, if I’m not mistaken. Probably a home delivery from the Hindu Kush Grooming Products for the Modern Metropolitan Muslim.

There’s nothing in the Koran to stop a Muslim dyeing his beard, or even adding minxy blond highlights for his next important video appearance. Allah, PBUH, seems uncharacteristically indulgent on the whole issue.

Have to say his skin was looking a bit sallow and tired, though. My girlfriend recommends Clarins Beauty Flash Balm. Gay? Nobody said gay, Osama. Don’t worry about it.

Yeah, Osama, gay? Come off it. The guy’s as straight as a lumberjack…:

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This entry was posted on Sunday, September 9th, 2007 at 17:49 and is filed under Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.