Cleanliness? I don’t need your steenking cleanliness!
Ever thought of going to the pub, wearing a T-shirt that spells, ‘I love clichés: now gimme!’? Ah, why ever not?
Anyway, here’s another column dedicated to one of those marvellous sayings turned old saw:
‘Cleanliness is next to godliness.’
Well, as always – and to use yet another cliché: ‘Everything in moderation’. For if you don’t you might find yourself closer to the God of your choice than you would have bargained for:
A man is accused of being under the influence of crack cocaine and inhaling a computer keyboard cleaner while he was driving.
Police say he hit a car in Middlesex and later went off the road and struck a rock ledge, causing his vehicle to ignite into flames.
Oh, and another thing, personal hygiene is importance, yes – and so is potty training, and cleaning up after yourself. However, you can overdo it. Really, you can…:
Some Holliston High School players decided to urinate on their rivals’ soccer field.
School officials said the field has been disinfected and no matches should be disrupted.
The field has been disinfected… So, what’s next? Oh yes, of course.
News flash: birds shit while they fly – let’s cling wrap the planet!
Honestly, those school officials should just have done what they do in Switzerland, when stupid creatures piss or shit on the grass. Here’s a cute picture of it:
Two cows on a pitch marked into with 750 squares play cow droppings bingo in Ruswil, Switzerland. Spectators bet on which square cow droppings will land on.
Now, that would be the kind of school sports event that could really draw the punters.
Cleanliness also means not fouling up the public space, of course. Which would include most kinds of boring & obscene graffiti.
That goes without saying, you say? Well, maybe, but some people are really thick:
Burglar Peter Addison was nabbed by police - because he scrawled “Peter Addison was here” at the scene of his crime.
The 18-year old wrote his name in black marker pen on a wall as he and pals raided a campsite and went on a boozy wrecking spree.
Cleanliness could also bear on other aspects of your physical appearance, like clothes. Not necessarily smelly, torn or disturbingly foul-looking clothes but maybe also certain types of outfits. Personnel and owner of this arcade seem to think so anyway:
A four-year-old girl was asked to take down the hood of her cardigan while visiting a seaside amusement arcade.
The girl was with her granddad playing on the 2p machine when a worker made the request because of “security”.
The arcade owner has defended the decision saying that his employee was only following instructions.
Enter another bit of offence-giving clothing…:
A man spotted wearing a T-shirt bearing an “offensive” slogan in a city centre has been warned he risks an £80 fine if he is caught again.
Forklift driver David Pratt was told by street wardens in Peterborough he could cause offence or incite violence.
The slogan on the garment read: “Don’t piss me off! I am running out of places to hide the bodies.”
Do I really have say I’m totally behind Mr Pratt and his T-shirt on this one?
Thought not.
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