Hark the herald angels sing: You’re not fit for anything.
Thomas Wolfe once wrote,
You can’t go home again. That’s still true – but maybe not in the way Wolfe meant.
What it means these days is, to put it bluntly, that we’re fucked. What used to be home is now either a parking lot, a McDonald’s outlet or a war zone.
For the rest, what’s left to us are memories and bad debts. The debts are cool: they will stay with us. They’re pretty loyal, those debts. Memories are less reliable. The most we can do is take them to the shrink – and then the shrink tells us that it will cost us.
So, we’re screwed – and our leaders aren’t a blind bit of good either. You’re still hoping good old Bush & Co. Unlimited will provide, in the end? Yes, thought not.
Problem is, our so-called spiritual betters aren’t much help either. Look at the oldest Christ joint we have: the R.C church. Or maybe not…
A Catholic priest faces an indecent exposure charge after police said he went jogging in the nude about an hour before sunrise.
The Rev. Robert Whipkey told officers he had been running naked at the Frederick High School track and didn’t think anyone would be around at that time of day, a police report said.
Still, at least this was one of those victimless crimes – well, okay, let’s just say they haven’t found any small and badly bruised body so far. You can’t say that much for all R.C. priests who go for a walk around town:
A Catholic priest in Mexico who killed his son so the Church would not know he had broken vows of celibacy has been jailed for 55 years in Mexico City.
What’s the pope doing about all this, you ask? Good question. Well, not much, to be honest – but then, he’s been awfully busy, lately. He recently reinstalled the Latin mass, which means that the Church is now, once again, praying for the Jews,
that the Lord our God may take the veil from their hearts and that they also may acknowledge our Lord Jesus Christ.
When people protested that this might look as if the Church was going back to its happy, antisemitic roots, the Pope decided he’d better make quite clear, once and for all, what the Church’s position was on antisemitism:
The Vatican, trying to allay Jewish concern over Pope Benedict’s meeting with a radical Polish priest accused of making anti-Semitic remarks, said on Thursday its stance toward Jews had not changed.
The brief statement followed a meeting on Sunday between the Pope and Father Tadeusz Rydzyk, who publicly apologized in late July after accusing a “Jewish lobby” of trying to extract millions from the Polish state.
Jewish rights groups condemned the meeting and called on the Pope to denounce Rydzyk and his Radio Maryja, which they accuse of spreading xenophobic, anti-Semitic statements.
The Vatican did not address those demands in its one-line statement, saying only that Rydzyk’s widely reported kiss of the German-born Pontiff’s hand had no broader implications.
Indeed.
Of course, it’s not just the Roman Catholic Church that fails to be anything but a moral vacuum, these days. Christianity’s newer brands are also not quite up to scratch in the Just follow Jesus department:
The Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, Kan., plans to stage protests at funerals of victims of the 35W bridge collapse to state that God made the bridge fall because he hates America, and especially Minnesota, because of its tolerance of homosexuality.
The church and its pastor, the Rev. Fred Phelps, have become notorious over recent years for their claim that the attack of 9/11 was an act of God’s vengeance and their determination to make that case at the funerals of U.S. soldiers who died in Iraq.
So, when Mammon’s high priest is the incompetent Bush and Jesus’ replacement is too busy reviving quaint old hobbies like Jew-baiting, where’s good old, honest Joe Blow to go for a little comfort and some peace of mind?
Well, the answer is that, apparently, he goes here:
A news reader reported Thursday that a couple of North Shore men want parents of school going children to consider bulletproof backpacks.
It started with the Columbine shooting in 1999. Curran and Mike Pelonzi said that they watched and worried for their own children.
“If the kid has a backpack next to them, or under the desk, they can pick it up, the straps act as a handle and it becomes a shield,” Curran said.
After three years of experimenting, the backpacks ranked threat level two. It stops an assortment of bullets, including 9-millimeter hollow point bullets.
Wait – but what’s that…? Yes, praise be: Hark the herald angels sing!
But what are they singing…?
Ah yes, of course:
Stick a fork in their ass and turn them over. They’re done.
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