‘Hi, I’m out. Don’t leave your messages after the beep.’
You know that old saw: about God watching every sparrow fall. Most people don’t know this but He actually picked that hobby in order to avoid looking at people.
Someone said if people really understood the full extent of the power we have available through prayer, we might be speechless.
Our prayers are the most powerful asset we have.
Yeah, right.
God is probably praying that those who keep trying to get His attention do indeed lose their voice, before it reaches the Heavens.
His most devout – or at least loud – followers are forever begging Him to smite this foe or send boils & locusts to that miscreant. Then, if God doesn’t deliver like a demented pizza courier, they go for DIY options:
University of Colorado police are investigating a series of threatening messages and documents e-mailed to and slipped under the door of evolutionary biology labs on the Boulder campus.
The messages included the name of a religious-themed group and addressed the debate between evolution and creationism, CU police Cmdr. Brad Wiesley said. Wiesley would not identify the group named because police are still investigating.
Most of the time, God’s most ardent followers behave like none too bright ten-year olds, putting on their fake Bin Laden beards, and whining to Santa, Please, please, please, bring us some home-made explosives!
Worse, whatever small part of humanity isn’t obsessed with bloody vengeance and self-righteousness seems to have sex on the brain - which makes listening to their prayers real fun for any God Who is is the cursed Owner of He knows how many blasted phone lines with toll free numbers.
Especially when those callers are male - like Hideo Tsuchiya, president of sex doll manufacturer Orient Industry, who wants to share with all who (really, really don’t!) care to listen, that
nowadays, women are sometimes more dominant than men in the real world, and they don’t always pay attention to men. More and more men are finding themselves miserable so we’re making these dolls partly in support of men.
You know what, like us, God could be thinking: too much information…!
Talking of which – and of yet another large sub group of followers that the Almighty really could have done without:
An unordained preacher who pleaded guilty today to three felony charges of first-degree sodomy in the repeated sexual abuse of three of his adopted children will not serve any time in prison.
Circuit Judge Karen Hall sentenced Jerry Wayne Love to 15 years on each charge to be served one after the other. But she accepted prosecutors’ recommendation and ordered Love to spend five years on probation and undergo treatment in a sex offender program.
(It would be interesting, by the way, to be a fly on the wall when, one very fine and final day, both judge and prosecutor would stand before God and got to hear what He thought of their really peculiar ideas of ‘doing’ justice.)
Anyway, I’d say it’s a safe bet that God, whenever He risks taking another peek at us, mainly feels a gut-wrenching despair.
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