The Blair Witch Hunt Project: boring for England – at an Olympic level
The British government’s health inspectors have banned the TV ad Go to work on an egg. The Guardian’s Simon Jenkins was less than impressed:
Any on-message official should see that “Go to work on an egg” was intolerable. There was no indication of what sort of egg: boiled, fried, scrambled or poached. There was no family risk assessment form ready for distribution. Nobody, not even the ban-crazy Health and Safety Executive, had thought of the side-effects. How many people might see the slogan as an incitement to ride an egg to work? Think of the congestion, with smashed whites and yolks confusing parking bays. Think of the implications for disabled people and the vegan minority. And suppose the eggs had been fertilised. Was there any view from the human fertilisation and embryology authority?
It is though in perfect agreement with the Jekyll & Hyde nature of the man responsible for all this nonsense, Tony Blair, the now ex-PM.
Ah, before I go on, wasn’t it absolutely marvellous that the BBC stopped the live transmission of Tony Blair’s last Question Time session in parliament, in order to tell us about upcoming programmes – to wit: the rise and fall of the ultimately decadent Rome and, indeed, their new drama Jekyll?
How fitting for a man who loved adventurism and mad wars abroad, not worrying overly much about a few (hundred thousand) civilians killed here and a handful (of hundreds of) British soldiers killed there but who, at home, tried to turn the country into a risk-free, smoke-free and joy-free asylum for the bland.
He was like that dentist who threatens with Hell and Damnation if you don’t brush and floss your teeth but who, behind your back, takes a piss in his own surgery sink.
He turned Britain into a place where parents can’t hang a Jolly Roger in their own garden when they want to have a pirate party for their small son’s birthday.
Worse, when you’re a smoking parent the government may very well come by, one of these days, to take your kids away from you. A far-fetched scenario? Think again.
Smokers will be banned from adopting children under the age of five in an attempt to protect young people from health risks such as asthma and lung cancer.
This ban has already been approved by council chiefs in Portsmouth.
It’s time to put up some serious resistance, folks – and ride under the banner of saint Simon and throw eggs and seriously pointy things at all those mad clowns that threaten to turn the country into one enormous, padded health & safety cell.
Let’s all follow the example of the publican who’s trying to make his pub into the official embassy for a small Caribbean island, so he can avoid the smoking ban. Yes, the very best of British luck to you, sir!
Let’s be like children again, refusing to eat our greens – and when some boring, Blairy grown-up tells us to stop playing with our food, we’ll tell him to stuff it and build a whole damn symphony orchestra out of it.
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