Everything you always wanted to know about God, lesbians, mobile phones and George Bush voodoo dolls
Did you hear? Some sadistic scientist has given a mobile phone to an innocent glacier. As if global warming wasn’t irritating enough. Now the glacier can be called by every moron with some time to kill:
“Hi! I’m on the train. What are you doing?”
“I’m fucking dying here - sod off!”
Loosely related to the glacier’s tale of woe: last week some pastor said that God had abandoned us because of lesbians. The pastor didn’t quite come out and say why that was exactly but maybe God got angry because those lesbians didn’t let Him watch.
The good pastor was wrong, of course. Yes, God has abandoned us; that much is true - but not because of lesbians. It’s because of those damn mobile phones.
It was bad enough in the pre-mobile days, when humanity was constantly sending their needful prayers to Him. It is however quite something else when a deity who can hear a sparrow fart has to listen to millions and millions of inane cell phone conversations, every bloody second of each and every Hellish day.
So, that’s why He upped and left us. Not that all that many people noticed: they were way too busy trying either to lose or to rescue those infernal machines.
Talking of being lost, George Bush has been on another world tour. Nimble as a T-Rex he went from place to place, with a gaff-gaff here and a guffaw there.
Mind you, he seems to be enjoying himself, out there. It must be nice for him to know that, while most of the world hates his guts and even the good folks at home have abandoned him, he will always be welcome in Albania.
Meanwhile - and no, this is not a diversion, per sé - Bill Gates is definitely not a happy bunny. He is drumming his fingers on his desk, humming, I shot the sheriff… but I didn’t shoot the deputy.
It isn’t as if the richest guy in the world didn’t have enough problems already - and now he also has to deal with the fact that the most unpopular president in the blood-stained history of the US of A has come forward and publicly stated, in yet another ‘heck of a job!’ moment, that he stands a 100% behind Microsoft.
You can hear Gates mutter, That’s all we bloody need.
So, we will have to leave you with the image of Bill Gates, having just read the sad story of two brothers being killed in two separated road incidents.
Bill is chuckling like mad, while he’s ramming needles into the voodoo doll replicas of Airforce One and Airforce Two.
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