Verily, verily, yea (hark, hark!)
We live in strange times. Cats deliver puppies, museums buy cockroaches and you can get cocaine in the Vatican.
As always though, for every small glimpse of Hell, there will be intimations of Heaven too. So, there’s also comforting news. There are places that don’t serve O.J. and even the British queen can be brought to justice.
And it has been a mixed bag of news stories everywhere. So, while Christians may despair, now that Wal-Mart may soon sell the morning-after pill and the Jedi church is on the brink of gaining suburban respectability, they can also rejoice, for verily, verily, yea & hark, hark, there’s now yet another story of redemption - and one that’s even bigger than that of old George Double Duh Bush:
Yes, the good news is that, after years of dubious celeprosy, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie have become real life (or, at least, reality TV) counselors. They’ll be giving calorically challenged girls advice about diets and other stuff. Ah, those girls will think they’ve died and gone to puppy fat Heaven, no doubt.
Those who’d cynically claim the experience will prove to be more a case of a Harlot Hell than Celestial Celeb show, will soon have to eat their own words, since no lesser man than Dick Cheney has come out to give his full endorsement of this plan.
In his own words, I am absolutely convinced that Paris and Nicole will be a great success, in the same way that Iraq and my good friend Wolfie have been great successes!
So, no more negative talk. No zombie satire jokes. Or snide remarks about these two angels being as pretty as a swastika. No room in the inn for cheap shots suggesting these born-again virgins are as likely a pair of counselors as Sylvester Stallone would be as a serious steroids-free sports campaigner or Woody Allen as winner of an Albert Einstein look-alike contest.
No, there can be no room for any doubting Thomases here. It’s time now for all of us to do our Jesus Saves song & dance routine, for the girls have obviously reformed - finally and most gloriously, they must have let Jesus in their formerly vain and empty little hearts.
They’re redone like Donne - or, in terms that are more befitting their past, dumb Hollywood selves: they are (give me one more verily, verily yea - go, harks, go!) like evil Goth dolls turned lovely, innocent Barbies.
If you enjoyed this post, subscribe today to get free updates by email or RSS.
