Tinky Winky’s sweet revenge
Today’s newspapers seem to overflow with happy tidings. Not only was Chelsea’s famously well-adjusted coach José Mourinho arrested but Paris Hilton, who is still appealing to the whole wide world to help her escape that prison sentence, was caught smoking a joint.
(Someone must have read her the wrong children’s books when she was growing up - and dumber by the day.)
Then there was the eagerly awaited announcement that yet another book about Kennedy’s assassination was about to hit the market - and the not all that surprising but still welcome fact that the Jackpots all had the same mad doctor rearrange their collective faces in one freaky image.
Then there was, of course, the wonderful news that the virgin Mary is selling sex toys these days. Not exactly reading from the same publicity hymn book, in a hastily arranged press conference a Catholic church spokesman said that contrary to some evil, atheist rumours the church had no insider knowledge about the end of the world.
(Pope watchers consider this to mean that though the church does not approve of Mary’s new job, they will learn to live with it.)
There is, of course, no change in the Vatican’s position on the claim that we all, eventually, must die. Which brings us to the most beautiful piece of news that hit all the world’s news stands today:
The guy who said, amongst other things, on 9/11:
I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularise America. I point the finger in their face and say ‘you helped this happen’.
that guy has now gone to pick up his final, written-on-asbestos reward. Yes, finally, Tinky Winky is avenged: Foul Falwell, the accuser, is dead.
It would be hypocritical, perhaps, to wish him a happy journey but most of us would probably wish him God’s speed, followed by a very warm welcome by a special welcoming committee and ultimately a very, very, very long stay down there.
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