Final words and last straws: glittering prizes for the morally blind
Goethe’s last words were: More light!
R.A. Lafferty once explained how a camel could easily pass through a needle’s eye: A camel is mighty narrow when he closes one eye and flops back his ears.
So, when we move the last words of Goethe into Rafferty’s light we get something like: So many idiots, so little time…!
Which, almost straightforwardly, brings us to the following: we need another reward, urgently. For, while it is uncertain that you can actually shame some idiots, it is still highly rewarding to name them.
Any kid who ever pointed a finger at some other kid, doing the Nyah, nyah routine, knows how perfectly satisfying this can be. However tempting though – and perhaps even suitable – there will be no such thing as the annual Nyah Rewards. People might confuse The Nyahs with that stupid bird that almost has the same name. So, it would be silly to go there – especially since the masters of silly have gone there first.
If not The Nyahs though, then what?
Well, picture yourself in a boat on the river… No, scrap that: been done. Right, then picture yourself in some desert… Better, much better.
Rednecks to the left of you, rattlers to the right and stuck right in the middle of this stands a bus: a garishly painted, magic bus. Life may be a bitch, infested with moronic fleas, but the bus will survive.
So, in honour of the bus – and to name, if not shame all the world’s most irritating pests – now, that same, long-suffering world finally has The Priscilla Awards. Of course, only the most stupid and most anti-social bipeds will be considered worthy of the prize.
The first two candidates for this year’s short-list are:
For proving that homo sapiens can be so much more anti-social and despicable than the much maligned rat: Australia’s very own John Howard.
For being a self-centered, stupid cow who is lower than a toad in a black hole: Hollywood’s Sharon Stone.
Or, as Lou Reed sang, on his album New York: Stick a fork in their arse and turn them over: they are done.
On the other hand: it’s spring; the weather is close to perfect – and it’s simply too nice a day to leave the likes of Howard & Stone, like the taste of lizard vomit, on our tongue.
So, I’ll leave you with this instead:
Thought of the day:
There’s a theory that Picasso and Braque came to cubism through their love of movies. So, imagine the kind of weird shit they would be making, if they’d be alive today and also loved boxing…
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