Glob-a-log

 I despair. Utterly and truly, I do despair. If I were prone to religious bile or revolutionary cramps, right now I’d be licking the last envelope in a series of very-angry-letters-to-the-editor – and those letters might well have contained explosives rather than expletives.

Even without Una-bomber spots or Mad Mullah mumps though, I can say I truly detest any travelling programme on TV or  how-to-spend-your-holiday article in newspaper or magazine that contains the following or similar words:

- unspoiled
- virgin
- off the beaten track (and yes:)
- not mentioned in most guidebooks.

What is it with these people? They complain about tourist traps – and how this or that tropical island was such a great place before the cheap charters and tourist buses came and yet they go out of their way to tell us about their latest great Columbus or Marco Polo moment.   

With Abraham Lincoln these monstrous morons seem to think: It’s not me who can’t keep a secret; it’s the people I tell that can’t.

For these limelight loving lunatics, it is obviously not enough that most of our planet has already become a movie set for any product placement. It’s a long way to Tipperary, they used to sing. Well, not really, mate; just follow the road, past those six Tescos and eight McDonalds, then take a straight left at yonder Starbucks and a sharp right after the third KFC outlet et voilà!

Anyway, not nearly satisfied with the deeply deplorable fact that 99% of planet earth is already one big theme park for clinically bored fast-foodies, these tacky travel trolls need to prove their elitist tracking skills by telling the whole, wide world about those few places that as of yet do not have a Hilton, a golf course or a Hard Rock Café as one of their asinine assets.

Thanks a lot, guys. No, you can sleep easy. I won’t organize a letter bomb campaign or put out a fatwa. On the other hand, I do sincerely hope that when you die, you will find yourself in some very hot and overcrowded,  heavily polluted place, where all the cocktails have cute names and the staff will be most happy to charge you an arm and a leg for them – in a non-proverbial and yet profoundly Biblical manner.

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This entry was posted on Monday, March 19th, 2007 at 04:02 and is filed under Columns. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.