There’s a guy on the TV, driving a car and explaining to me and the cat why we should also buy a Toyota - a Camry Hybrid, to be exact.
The car comes with lots of trees, an impossibly blue sky with an eagle flying through it and a lake that looks like it should have featured in some uppity mouth wash ad. The car also comes with a truly kidney-shattering, high octane & highly obnoxious kid in the back seat.
I look at the cat; the cat closes its eyes. So, no, sorry; we’d rather French kiss the hormonically enhanced adenoids of Sylvester Stallone.
Then the telephone: it’s the girlfriend. She says she missed me so much, she had to come back from Tokyo - and now she’s waiting for me to pick her up at the airport, wearing nothing more than a smile, two trunks of sexy underwear and a large bottle of massage oil.
(It’s not the girlfriend, of course. Just someone who wants to tell me everything I never wanted to know about mortgage rates.)
The cat yawns and tells me I should finally buy an answer machine or get rid of the damn phone altogether. I tell the cat to get lost.
It reminds me who owns the retractable claws in this relationship.
Just one of those days.
One of these days I will simply tell the girlfriend to come back from Tokyo and marry me or else. One of these days I will take the cat on a holiday to the Grand Canyon and leave it there on the business end of the longest bungee jump known to cat or man.
One of these days I will learn to speak Chinese, play chess, love my neighbour & my cat and flap my arms and flyayay awaaay.
In the meantime, I really must remember to buy new batteries for the remote, so that I don’t have to watch these stupid commercials all the time, stop answering the bloody phone - and just put up with that stupid cat of mine, I suppose.
Ah well, as some great sage once said: Such is life and it gets sucher every day.
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